Hannah's story
I was 14 when I first started harming myself. I was just so stressed. Things were difficult at home because my parents were splitting up and it felt like there was no-one I could talk to, everyone just seemed to be having their own problems so I kept quiet.
It just kept getting worse and it felt like there was no way out. Looking back I wish I had said something to my parents or even my friends, but I guess it’s easy to say that now!
When I first did it I had just had this really big argument with my mum. I don’t even really know how the thought came into my head but it did, it sort of felt like I was on auto-pilot. At first it felt good to relieve the pressure of everything that was building up inside but it quickly became something I was kind of addicted to.
Every time I felt angry or stressed or sad I would hurt myself and every time I would say it was the last time I would do it. But like I said, it was an addiction and there didn’t seem like a better way of coping.
Eventually it got so bad that I ended up in hospital when I hurt myself pretty badly and I found the courage to tell my parents. They were so upset at first, mostly because they didn’t know it was happening or how to help me and they were feeling pretty guilty.
I started to see a counsellor and she helped me to work out things I could do to de-stress when I felt like things were getting on top of me. I found out that I really enjoyed writing stories and poetry and started to do that when I felt like hurting myself. The harming didn’t stop straight away but I started to do it less and less and found other things to do to take my mind off it.
I’ve just turned 18 and haven’t harmed myself for over 18 months, which I’m pretty proud of. I’ll always have the scars, both physically and emotionally, but I’m a stronger person now and when things get tough again I know what to do!
My advice would be, break the cycle of self-harming, I know how scary it seems to tell someone something so private but it’s the first step to making things better.