Getting help

If you think your child has low self-esteem, there are ways you and other adults around them can try and boost their confidence:

• Show them lots of love and be positive about them as a person – tell them what makes them special to you
• Set an example of a positive attitude when faced with challenges
• Encourage them to try new challenges themselves, and celebrate them for it. Phrases like "Well done, that was hard, and you managed it" are good. Make the steps small at first, then increase the challenges
• Give praise for their successes, and don’t focus on areas where they have not done so well
• Reassure them it's OK to make mistakes and that it's all part of growing up. If you make a mistake, admit it and say sorry, to show them getting it wrong is not the end of the world and happens to everyone
• Avoid being too critical and don’t put them down – if you are unhappy with their behaviour, say this but make clear that you still love them
• Acknowledge their feelings and help them express their feelings in words.  For example, encourage them to say, "I'm upset because..." or "I feel happy when..."
• Use creativity to help the child express themselves – art, drama, music
• Help children discover and develop their talents, through clubs, groups and activities.  Finding something they are good at provides a huge boost to their feelings of self-worth.

Make sure your child’s school is aware they are struggling with self-esteem – many have mentoring or buddying schemes.

If you are worried your child’s low self-esteem is affecting their day to day life, relationships or ability to learn and develop, it is worth seeking professional help. You can talk to their GP.  You can go without the child if they do not want to come. It can be helpful to write down what makes you think your child has low self-esteem, and anything you think might be causing it.

If your child is under 18, your GP may decide your family needs to be referred to specialist Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS). Your child may be offered talking therapy. You and other family members may be offered support to help understand and help them.

If your child is over 18 they will need to ask for the help themselves. If they are not willing to do this, you can still ask your GP for support for yourself, to help you cope with the situation.

Youth counselling services can also help, and young people can refer themselves to these. Most will see young people between the ages of 13-25.