about anger, aggression and violence

Everyone has angry feelings, and they are a normal reaction when things go wrong, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. Children and young people show these feelings in different ways.

Toddlers and young children often have tantrums when they don’t get their own way or feel frustrated. They can scream, hit and destroy things, and this is their way of saying they don’t like what they are feeling.

Teenagers can be very defiant and refuse to keep to their parents’ rules as they try and push the boundaries to increase their independence. Having some angry feelings is normal, but some children and young people can really struggle to control these feelings and to sort the problems out.

Children and young people can feel angry for many reasons, including the following:

• Parents arguing or splitting up
• Being jealous of a brother or sister
• Feeling rejected by parents or family
• Seeing other family members fighting or hurting each other
• Friendship problems
• Being bullied or hurt
• Struggling with reading, writing or schoolwork
• Being very anxious or stressed about something
• Money worries, poverty and housing problems
• Having to look after a parent or relative
• Splitting up with a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Children and young people can show their anger by shouting, refusing to do what they are told, saying horrible things and trying to upset others. They can break or smash things, and hit or hurt their parents and other family and friends.

Angry feelings and aggressive behaviour can be very hard to deal with and can have a big effect on family life. Parents, carers and siblings can feel they are on eggshells around the child, to try and avoid the anger.  Parents and carers can feel scared for their own safety and powerless in relation to their child.

Some children and young people get involved with violence outside the home, through their friends, criminal activity or gangs. See further info for more on gangs.