Getting help

If your child is getting stressed about friendships or saying they do not have friends, it’s really important to reassure and be there for them. You could talk to them about all their good qualities and the reasons you and other people around them love them. Remind them that everyone has friendship problems at some point – it can help to talk about your own childhood, and times when you were unhappy about friends but managed to get through it. You can think with your child about who they would like to be friends with, and if they want you to, you could help arrange outings or playdates.

If your child is regularly fighting with or hurting friends it is important to be very clear that this is not acceptable. Try and help your child think how this might make the other person feel, and about what they can do the next time, instead of hitting or fighting.

More advice on encouraging younger children to play and get on with friends

With older children it can help to talk through any incidents. While remaining sympathetic to your child, ask why the other person might have done what they did. You can practise with them what they could say if a similar situation happens again. Children and young people may think that everyone else is happy and sure of themselves, and it can help to talk through that even popular people feel unsure of themselves or upset at times.

If friendship problems are happening at school, talk to your child’s teacher and find out what they think is going on, and what the school can do to support your child. Some schools have buddying or peer mentoring schemes where children can look out for others.

If you think your child is being bullied, it is important to address this and to support them.

If you feel your child needs professional help to deal with the effect of friendship problems, it is a good idea to talk to the GP. You can go without the child if they do not want to come. It can be helpful to write down a list of times when your child has had friendship problems or incidents, and the effect this is having.

If your child is under 18, your GP may decide your family needs to be referred to specialist Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) Your child may be offered some talking therapy to help them with worries about friendship or their self-esteem. You and other family members may be offered support too.

If your child is over 18, they will need to ask for help themselves. If they are not willing to do this, you can still ask your GP for support for yourself, to help you cope with the situation.

Youth counselling services can also help, and young people can refer themselves to these. Most will see young people between the ages of 13-25.