Exam stress

At exam time, many parents are anxious about how much their children are studying, whether they are looking after themselves, and whether they will get the results they need. Some parents also find their own difficult memories of exams or school return at this time and make it harder to help their children.

Before their exams

It’s always worth planning ahead and preparing as well as you can as a family

• Accept that this is going to be a stressful time for the whole family - expect outbursts and try to remain calm!
• Try and find out as early as possible what is expected of your child, when their exams will be and when coursework needs to be handed in.
• But be clear that avoiding subjects they find difficult will not be helpful in the long run.
• Encourage them to talk to you if they are really worried that they haven’t done enough work - reassure them that if they do not get their expected grades, there will be other opportunities ahead, and they should just do their best.
• Find out what revision techniques are recommended by the school, what revision sessions they are providing, and check out online revision sites too.
• If you have any concerns or questions, contact the school rather than relying on your child to do it - most teachers have email addresses which can be useful if they are hard to contact.

Tips during revision

While they are revising, children are often stressed, anxious and irritable, and can have trouble with eating and sleeping. But a few simple things can really help:

• Try and work with your child and support them rather than ‘policing’ them.
• Encourage your child to have regular breaks, to do something they enjoy, even if it’s just half an hour off to listen to some music or to watch their favourite soap.
• Make sure they eat healthy snacks regularly, and drink enough so they don’t get dehydrated - you can always pop your head in to see how they are doing and bring them a drink.
• Exercise is also a good way to relax, even just a walk round the block.
• Children have different ways of revising - some may prefer to be alone whereas others work best surrounded by noise and family.
• Respect their body clocks - many teenagers are more alert during the night and this may be the best time for them to revise even though it makes parents anxious!

When it's all over

After the exams, there may be feelings of relief, but also stress and anxiety if things haven’t gone well. Feelings may ‘catch up’ with your child after a sustained effort of studying hard, and you may need to ‘let them be’ for a while.

• After an exam or hand-in, they might not want to talk about it immediately so let them decide.
• If they are anxious, reassure them that they have done their best for now and any problems can be dealt with in the future.
• Try and plan something nice for when it’s all over – reward them for trying their best, however they feel it went.

Getting further advice

If you are very worried about your child and feel that exam stress is overwhelming or has made other pre-existing issues worse, call the YoungMinds Parents Helpine for information and professional advice: 0808 802 5544 (free from landlines and mobiles)