Tips for parents in a difficult living situation during lockdown

Topics mentioned: Coronavirus and mental health, divorce, domestic violence

About: The Government’s instruction to stay at home is helping to keep people safe and reducing the spread of coronavirus. However, the lockdown restrictions are challenging for many of us, and they can be particularly tough for families. Here we share some tips for managing difficult situations and living spaces.

During this time, young people may find it difficult to find their “own space” while isolating at home with family. This may be because they share a bedroom, do not have access to any outdoor space, or feel that they cannot find a quiet part of the house where they can be by themselves. Although young people may not have a lot of physical space, it is important that they can find ways of creating some mental space. This might be through reading, drawing, exercising, chatting to friends on Zoom – anything that helps them reach a different headspace.

To ensure your children have some private space to call friends or do the things they like without being disturbed, it might be helpful to create a schedule where you agree as a family who can spend time in a certain room or space at a given time. Make sure this works for your whole family and everyone gets to input. Be clear about time allowances so everyone has an equal amount of time to have their own space. It is also important that your family are flexible during this time, as routines are likely to change on a day-to-day basis.

As it stands, the Government is allowing people to take part in one form of exercise outside the home each day, for example going for a run or walk. Encourage your family to make use of this time safely, and ensuring they know what social distancing means and how they can stick to it. This will allow them to get some fresh air, exercise and a change of scenery.

For families whose parents have separated, lockdown can be incredibly difficult, since young people may not be able to see both parents as often as they would like to - or even at all. Children may experience feelings of frustration, become upset, feel a sense of loss or think that it is their fault. It is really important to firstly be clear about the reasons why they may have limited or no physical contact with their parent during this time, and secondly to reassure them that it is not because the other parent does not want to see them – it is to keep them and their family safe.

Government guidance advises that where parents do not live in the same household, children can move between both of their parent’s homes – and this is an exception to the “stay at home” advice. The decision, however, for children to move between parental homes needs to be evaluated on an individual basis and should be discussed with the families involved.

If you are considering whether it is the right decision for your child to have physical contact with both parents or move between households, think about:

If you decide that it is not the right decision for your child to have face-to-face contact with their other parent, find alternative ways for them to stay in touch – for example Zoom, FaceTime, Skype or telephone calls.

The lockdown means that families are spending the majority of their time in close proximity to one another, making it difficult for family members to find their own space and use their normal coping strategies for managing difficult feelings. It is completely understandable if there are more arguments in your family at the moment – and it is natural for young people to take their frustrations out on those they are closest to. It may also mean that small or trivial problems feel magnified, and this could increase tensions and cause arguments to break out.

Here are some tips to help you prevent situations from escalating and manage conflict in a healthy way:

Sometimes, arguments in the home can escalate to physical violence and aggression – especially if this is something your child was struggling with before the lockdown started. If your child is physically aggressive towards you or other members of your family, it is important that you take steps to keep yourself safe and minimise the risk of harm.

Here are some tips for if your child’s aggression escalates to violence:

Staying at home during the coronavirus outbreak has changed everyone’s life dramatically. The current restrictions have also increased the prevalence of domestic violence, creating fear and anxiety for those who are experiencing, or at risk of experiencing it.

If you are in this situation, it is crucial that you know that help and support is still available, no matter what the situation or circumstances may be. Most importantly, the Government’s restrictions around staying at home do not apply if you need to leave your home to escape from domestic violence – your safety will always come first.

Remember that: