Topics covered: friendships, social media
About: Comparison is when we measure ourselves against others – how they look, what they’ve achieved, or how their lives seem to be going. In this blog, Grace explores how comparison affects our mental health, and shares practical tips for valuing ourselves and finding our own path.
Have you ever scrolled through social media wishing you were living like the people you follow? Has a friend ever shown you an outfit that suits them perfectly and you wish you could pull it off too? Maybe there's that one person in your class who gets praise and recognition for their work, and you feel like you're not good enough even though you try just as hard. This is comparison and it's a perfectly normal thing to do.
I know it's easier said than done, but it’s important to accept and value ourselves as we are. We are all great in our own different ways.
Comparison is something I have experienced a lot, especially as I have gotten older. I find that not only do I compare myself to others, but I also compare myself, as I am now, to the things I have already achieved. But comparing ourselves with others can start to affect our mental health and lifestyle. We might start copying the people we want to be like or making changes that don't feel right. I know it's easier said than done, but it’s important to accept and value ourselves as we are. We are all great in our own different ways.
Here are some tips for navigating the journey of comparison and finding our own identity.
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Know your strengths and remind yourself of them regularly
If your best friend is incredibly fit and sporty while you'd rather spend hours writing stories, that’s okay. You might want to be sporty like your friend, but your creativity is a brilliant skill that helps you express yourself. Flip it the other way – maybe your sporty friend struggles with writing and wishes they had your creative flair. We all have different strengths and skills, and we shouldn't assume that someone has the perfect life just because they have the one we wish we had. -
Think about what success means to you
As you go through life you’ll hear about other peoples' achievements. Like a family member who seems to do well at everything, or a news story about someone overcoming disabilities to climb a mountain. But their success doesn’t diminish your worth. If their stories make you feel like you're not good enough, take a step back and think about your own path. Success looks different for everyone, and one person’s success isn’t better or worse than another’s. It’s about finding where you fit in the world, setting your goals, and experiencing the relief and reward when you make them a reality. -
Remember, what you see on social media is only half the story
It's normal to want people to think our lives are perfect, but feelings of jealousy can come up from what we see online, like a friend’s beautiful beach holiday. Social media doesn’t show us the tough times and personal struggles, so don’t compare your whole life to someone’s best moments. If you find yourself feeling envious of a friend, reach out and talk to them. They might appreciate it more than you know, and maybe they have their own struggles going on. These real-life connections can remind you that everyone has ups and downs. -
Have you ever compared yourself with yourself?
Think back to a time when you had a great spell with your mental health, or achieved something you never thought you would, no matter how big or small. Basking in the glory of these moments is a beautiful feeling – it reminds us what we’re capable of and how far we’ve come. But it can create pressure to maintain that positivity all the time. If it slips, even a little bit, you might feel like you'll never get back there. That’s why it’s just as important not to dwell on the past. Try to imagine your struggles like waves in the sea – they come and go, and it’s normal for success to ebb and flow. Setting goals is great for motivation, but try not to pressure or criticise yourself if things don’t go as planned.
Social media doesn’t show us the tough times and personal struggles, so don’t compare your whole life to someone’s best moments.
I hope this piece makes a difference to someone, somewhere, who is struggling with comparing themselves to others. Or even, of course, to themselves. If that person is you, please know that you're not alone. We all go through it. No one is perfect and there will always be something that we don't like about ourselves or something that someone else has that we feel we’re missing. But one thing that makes us the same is that we are all different, and we should try to remember that when we want to be someone else.
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More information and advice
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Where to get help
However you're feeling, there are people who can help you if you are struggling. Here are some services that can support you.
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Childline
If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.
Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.
Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.
Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.
- Opening times:
- 24/7
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Samaritans
Whatever you're going through, you can contact the Samaritans for support. N.B. This is a listening service and does not offer advice or intervention.
- Opening times:
- 24/7
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Youth Access
Provides information about local counselling and advice services for young people aged 11-25.
Put in your location and what you need help with into their 'Find help' search, and see what services are available in your area.