Supporting a friend with their mental health

Some changes you might notice include:

• seeming restless, agitated, tearful or angry
• acting withdrawn or distant, like not replying to messages or avoiding people
• losing interest in things they normally enjoy
• feeling tired all the time or low on energy
• talking about feeling hopeless, worthless or trapped
• sleeping or eating much more or less than usual
• using alcohol or drugs to cope
• taking more risks than usual, like gambling or being aggressive
• struggling to keep up with daily life, like school, work or responsibilities

Sometimes it’s a life event that can cause a friend to struggle. Here are some things to look out for:

• losing someone close, through death or a relationship ending
• problems at home, like arguments or family breakdown
• stress about housing, money, school, uni or work
• bullying, abuse or neglect
• feeling lonely or isolated
• struggling with a long-term illness or pain
• finding the news or current events overwhelming

Pick a time and place where you won’t be interrupted. This could be a quiet room at school or uni, or anywhere you both feel comfortable to chat. Some people find talking while on a walk can take the pressure off the conversation. Try to avoid busy or stressful times. And if you can, give yourself enough time so neither of you feel rushed.

Let them talk at their own pace. They might not be ready to open up, and that’s okay. Don’t push for details. Just giving them space to talk shows that you care and that they can trust you. They might open up more over time.

You don’t have to fix everything – just be there to listen. Try to really hear what they’re saying without interrupting. You could reflect back what you’ve heard to show you understand, using phrases like “It sounds like…” or “It seems that…”.

Everyone is different, so ask what would be helpful for them. This could be something small, like checking in later or going to an appointment with them. Let them take the lead in what they feel comfortable with.

Let them know they’re not a burden and you’re glad they spoke to you. Keep inviting them to do the things you’d normally do together, even if they don’t always say yes. Feeling included and supported can make a big difference.

You don’t need to be a mental health expert to be there for them. Focus on how they’re feeling, rather than trying to label or fix things. Judging or making assumptions might make them feel misunderstood or overwhelmed.

Try questions like “How have you been feeling lately?” or “What’s been going on for you?” These types of questions help keep the conversation going. Avoid asking “why” questions, which can feel a bit too direct or like they need to justify themselves.

If it feels right, you can gently suggest things that might help them feel more grounded, like resting, going outside, journaling or doing something creative. Don’t make it sound like a fix, just something they could try.

Let them know about other places they can get support, like their GP, a counsellor, or a helpline. Offer to help them look up services or go with them if that's what they need.

If they have hurt themselves and need medical help, have said they’re going to end their life, or are putting themselves or others at risk, they need urgent help.

Call 999 or help them get to A&E. If you can, stay with them until they see a doctor.

A mental health crisis is just as serious as a physical injury and your friend deserves support.

• Call NHS 111 and choose option two for urgent mental health support.
• Help them make an emergency GP appointment.
• Encourage them to call Samaritans on 116 123. If they want, you can help them make the call or sit with them while they do it. You can also call Samaritans yourself.
• If they’ve talked about a way they might hurt themselves, it can help to remove anything they could use.

Call 999 and ask for the police. It’s okay to put your safety first. That’s not getting someone in trouble, it’s protecting everyone involved.

• Ask what they need: Try saying: “What do you need right now?” or “Is there anything I can do to help?” Let them tell you what feels helpful.
• Listen and stay present: Give them your full attention. Try not to interrupt, give advice or say they’re wrong. Just listen and show you care.
• Try to stay calm: Speak gently, keep your body language relaxed and stay with them if you can.
• Help them contact someone: Ask if there’s a trusted person they’d like you to call, like a parent, teacher, doctor or friend. Sometimes just knowing someone else is aware can help. And it can take the pressure off you too.