How I learnt to show up for myself like I show up for others

Topics mentioned: feelings and emotions, self-esteem, self-care

About: Rose explains how helping others encouraged her to take better care of herself, and shares her tips on validating your feelings.

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time thinking that my feelings and my worries were wrong. It often felt like the things I was concerned about were too small or too ridiculous to talk about.

For a while, I tried to supress my feelings, or distract myself from them, or simply ignore them, and hope that they would just go away. Ultimately, it became too draining to carry on like that and I was determined to start showing up for myself. 

It took me years to realise that my feelings are, in fact, valid. Validating your emotions doesn’t mean you have to agree with your thoughts. Validating your emotions is the process of listening, understanding, and accepting your feelings. This means you are making sure that you are recognising your emotions, not dismissing them.  Showing up for your feelings means that you can show kindness to your thoughts even when those thoughts can be cruel, complex, and confusing.

When I was at university, I signed up as a crisis volunteer for a mental health charity. I have been volunteering for almost two years now. My experience taught me crucial skills about how to be non-judgmental and understanding when communicating with someone in need of support. It taught me how to listen to someone’s struggles and how to respond with kindness and encouragement.

But it also made me think… why can’t I show up for myself like that? How come I could speak with a total stranger about their problems, yet I couldn’t even accept my own emotions? It turns out helping others made it easier for me to help myself, because I started to listen to my own feelings in the same way I listened to others.

Below are some tips for showing up for your feelings that I find work for me.

It’s important to remember that your feelings are always valid. Nothing is too small or too absurd. From my experience, I’ve found that being really critical of ourselves ultimately gets us nowhere. Showing up for your feelings starts with being kind to yourself. It takes time, but it’s something we can all learn to do. If I can, you can too.