Coping with anxiety relapse

Topics mentioned: anxiety, talking therapy, looking after yourself at uni, how to speak to your GP

About: When Mary got support for anxiety at 17, she thought it'd never happen again. She shares her story of anxiety relapse at uni and what she did to get help.

When I was 15, I was struggling with severe anxiety. I refused to go on medication as I wanted to 'fix' the problem, but I refused to go to therapy because I didn’t want to ‘keep on’ about it. At 17, my parents gave me the little push into counselling. I went from being ill from anxiety to applying coping mechanisms within two months. I thought that I had the skills to never feel like this again. For four years, I didn’t have a single panic attack. I felt ‘fixed’ and determined. I spoke proudly about how I struggled but was ‘stronger’ now.

At 21, I moved university to complete my Masters. I was living with new housemates further from home in a new city on a new course. I only knew one person nearby. The course was overwhelming with essential reading, deadlines and the amount I would have to learn for the many exams in only a few months’ time. I barely had time to eat or sleep.

I was distant from my support network. FaceTime with family got less regular as I got busier. Time to see friends was non-existent. My boyfriend and I split up after four years. I was always comparing myself to my course mates. My support systems were crumbling.

I began getting anxious again, but this time I could feel it in my breathlessness and inability to concentrate which made me panic even more. I wasn’t living at home so didn’t have the same push to reach out. I felt I just needed to get through the next six months and I would be ok. I had the coping mechanisms in place, so why couldn’t I do it this time? Surely I was older, wiser and had less teenage angst? But I felt myself spiralling. I felt like a failure. I felt like I had lied. I felt I couldn’t get support because I was simply too busy.

In retrospect things are much clearer. Techniques that worked when I was 17 would not necessarily be as effective at 21. They were the foundations - not the final product. Situations I struggled with when I was 17 were not the same situations I struggled with now. Most importantly, the entire premise of my anxiety had shifted. Before, I was panicking about things I simply couldn’t control. Now, I technically was in control but did not feel it.

I reached out to my family and properly spoke to them. I booked a phone call appointment with my GP and despite being so against medication previously, we discussed my concerns and I was prescribed medication that would work best for me. I could use them as and when needed rather than all the time, causing minimal side effects.

I had a meeting with my course tutors and explained what was going on. I spoke to my close course mates. Every person provided me an external point of view - something I had completely lacked sight of while being trapped in my head.

Relapses or lapses can feel like you are back at square one. But remember, this is not the case. You have everything there, but reaching out for support helps you realign. This is simply a hole in the road, not the beginning of it.