Skip to main content
A young child's hands and a parent's hands holding.

Grief and loss

On this page, you'll find information to help you support your child or young person with grief and loss. We've also got advice about where you can find grief support services.

Patient Information Forum Trusted Information Creator (PIF TICK) logo

What is grief?

Losing someone we love and feel close to, or going through a bereavement, can be extremely painful. Grief is our natural response to this loss. It is a process rather than an event.

Your child or young person, as well as you and other family members, may be grieving because:

  • someone in the family has died, like a parent, grandparent or sibling
  • their friend or someone at school has died
  • they have lost someone by suicide
  • someone they are close to has become ill
  • a pet has died or been lost
A young person alone and looking down at the ground.

What does grief feel like?

Grief feels different to every individual. Our feelings around grief also change over time. At different points, a young person who is grieving might feel incredibly sad, lonely, tearful, angry, reflective, numb or heartbroken.

They may also experience some of the physical signs of grief. These can include:

  • waves of crying, which can sometimes feel like they come out of the blue
  • feeling unwell or sick
  • eating more or less than before
  • being extremely tired
  • finding it difficult to get to sleep
  • finding it difficult to concentrate, including at school

You might sometimes hear people talk about the ‘stages of grief’ or the ‘grief cycle’. These describe some of the common feelings that people who are grieving can experience.

It’s important to understand that not everyone experiences these things. And that we do not move through the stages one-by-one. We might move forwards or backwards between them, or experience them in any order. Or we might feel different emotions completely.

Some people argue that the 'five stages of grief' can make it feel like there's one way to grieve. Or like they’re grieving the 'wrong' way. Remember that everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's okay to feel any emotion and to process it in our own way. It’s a time for being kind and patient with ourselves.

Tips for talking about grief and loss

  • Explain what’s happened and what it means

    When someone has died, tell them about this clearly using age-appropriate language. You can get advice to help you find the right words on the Winston’s Wish website.

  • Use clear language

    Even though it can feel difficult, use direct words such as ‘died’ or ‘dead’. Avoid expressions such as ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘passed on’, as these can be confusing.

  • Give space for them to ask questions

    Some children and young people might want to talk about what happens after we die. It’s okay to be curious about what they think, and to say you don’t have all the answers. You and your family might have your own religious and cultural beliefs about this, and you might want to talk about these together.

  • Focus on listening and empathising

    Be curious and non-judgmental about how they’re feeling. Avoid trying to ‘fix’ things. You won’t be able to make it all better, but being there to listen makes a huge difference.

  • Let them express whatever they’re feeling

    Remind them that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s completely understandable to feel however they do. If they are worried about feeling nothing or numb, reassure them that this is a normal reaction. It can be our body’s way of protecting us until we are ready to start processing what’s happened.

  • Make sure they know it isn’t their fault

    Your child or young person might tell you they are blaming themselves, or you might be worried about this. Be very clear that while it’s normal to worry about this, it is absolutely not their fault or responsibility. No one is ever responsible for someone dying or getting ill.

Helping your child or young person to cope with grief

Parent sits with their arm around their child to reassure them.

Supporting your child or young person with a sudden death

When someone they're close to dies suddenly or unexpectedly, children and young people are likely to feel extremely shocked. They may find it impossible to believe that it’s happened, or feel numb and empty. They might find it difficult to talk, or to eat or drink. They may experience physical symptoms like tummy aches, headaches and being extremely tired. These reactions are a normal way of coping with huge shock.

In the days and weeks after a sudden death, the most important thing you can do is provide safety and support.

  • Hold and reassure them

    Wrap your arms around them and tell them how much you love them. Let them know they’re not alone and you’re here for them.

  • Tell the people who need to know

    Tell everyone who needs to know what’s happened, including someone at their school.

  • Help them meet their basic needs

    Guide them through daily things like eating (even if it’s something small), drinking water, washing, keeping warm and getting some sleep.

  • Take care of their normal responsibilities

    Let them continue with things like feeding and walking pets if they’d like to. But make sure they know they don’t have to do these things right now. Arrange for someone else to cover them if they’re worried about it.

  • Gently offer opportunities to talk

    Create space for them to start talking when they’re ready, letting them speak as often and for as long as they need to.

Grief and loss support services

A child sat next to his father and looking up to him.

There are lots of organisations who provide counselling and other types of support to families, children and young people after a bereavement.

Looking after yourself

Supporting a young person who is grieving can be a very emotional experience. Take time to look after yourself and top up your own batteries when you can. If you are also grieving, things may feel overwhelming at times. Allow space for your own grief too. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help from family and friends when you need it.

If you need support with your own grief, or you’re struggling to cope, it’s really important that you get the help you need. This will make you more able to be there for your child. You can access counselling, helpline support and support groups via the grief services listed below.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Patient Information Forum Trusted Information Creator (PIF TICK) logo

This page was reviewed in October 2023.

It was created with a parent or carer with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with grief.

We will next review the page in 2026.

YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK – the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.

Website by Element78 (opens in new window)