Grief and loss

Children and young people can experience lots of emotions when they’re grieving. At different times, they might feel: 

Some children talk openly about how they feel, while others might express grief through their behaviour. Young people may also act as though everything is “normal”, especially at school or around friends1 2 3, while still struggling with difficult feelings. 

Grief can also affect the physical body. This can include: 

You might also be experiencing some of these feelings or sensations if you have been affected by the loss too. It can be especially difficult to manage your own grief, shock and anxiety while also supporting your child or young person. Make sure you’re looking after your own mental health too.  

You might hear people talk about the “five stages of grief”: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. People can find these ideas helpful for understanding common reactions to loss4. 

But grief is rarely neat or predictable. Many people don’t experience these feelings in a particular order, while others might not relate to them at all. 

Grief often comes in waves. You might feel okay one moment and overwhelmed the next. Feelings can return more strongly around anniversaries, birthdays, school events or other reminders of the person or situation you’ve lost, or even for no reason at all. 

Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What matters most is helping your child feel safe and listened to while they make sense of what’s happened in their own way and in their own time. 

Children and young people can express grief in different ways. They might prefer to communicate through creativity, movement or time spent together, rather than sitting and talking about things. Giving them different ways to express what they’re feeling can help emotions feel more manageable over time. 

This could include: 

If someone has died, including your child or young person in funerals, memorials or other rituals that are important to your family can help them make sense of what has happened. There are lots of ways they can be involved, depending on what feels right for them and what fits with your family's culture, faith and traditions.  

Preparing them beforehand can also reduce anxiety and help them know what to expect. 

Ask your child: 

After a loss, it’s normal to feel guilty about laughing, enjoying yourself, or returning to normal activities. Young people might worry this means they didn’t love the person enough or that they are “moving on” too quickly. It can help to reassure them that moments of happiness do not take away from their grief. 

Keeping up with hobbies, friendships and interests can also help children feel more connected to themselves and their lives outside of the grief. This isn’t about grief “shrinking” or going away, but building a life ‘around’ grief.  

Grief can affect concentration, memory, confidence, attendance and anxiety levels at school. Some children may struggle to focus or become overwhelmed during the day. Talking to school staff early can help your child feel more supported – you could speak to their teacher, pastoral staff, their head of year, the SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator), or any other member of staff your child trusts. 

Together, you can think about providing: 

Some parents have told us they’ve felt unsupported or misunderstood by schools during times of grief. If this happens, remember that it is okay to keep advocating for what your child needs. 

Bereavement counselling can help children and young people make sense of their feelings and experiences after a loss. Having a space outside the family to talk can feel easier. 

Support could include: 

You may be able to access support through organisations such as: