Two girls sitting in a bedroom. One is showing the other something on her phone.

How I learnt to take control of my social media feed

4 min read
06 January 2020

Topics mentioned: social media and mental health, bullying, suicidal feelings, self-esteem

Author: Nikki

About: If your social media feed isn't working for you, you have the power to change it. Nikki explains how she took ownership of her feed to have a more positive time online.

This blog contains references to bullying and suicide. While it does not go into detail on any of these things, please do not read on if you think the content may be upsetting for you. If you are currently experiencing suicidal thoughts or you're having a mental health crisis, please visit our page on getting urgent help.

I hoped for all the things I never got in the real world: popularity, compliments and confidence.

When I first got social media at the age of ten, it was for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to have triple-digit ‘friends’ and I wanted lots of likes.

I hoped for all the things I never got in the real world: popularity, compliments and confidence. I didn’t get any of that, though. My only ‘friends’ were my family, a couple of real-world friends, and some of my mum’s friends (who only added me because she asked them to). I didn’t get any likes and it certainly didn’t fix my confidence issue.

I’ve also experienced cyberbullying a few times, which led me down a very, very dark path. I ended up trying to take my own life when I was 18 because I felt so ashamed and worthless.

Taking ownership of my social media feed

Thankfully, things got better. I went through therapy and learnt more about my worth and value as a person. Eventually this was reflected on my social media. I started to de-clutter my friends and followers, deleting the people I didn’t want there, and blocking everything that was damaging my self-esteem or causing me to question my worth.

I realised I was following accounts and people that made me feel bad about myself - all I saw was their highlight reel, which made me feel like I was never good enough. I was following people I’d never talk to in real life and people that were never engaging with me. I eventually realised I needed to take ownership of my feed.

I realised I was following accounts and people that made me feel bad about myself.

These days, things are very different. If anyone posts something negative or comments something negative on my wall or my posts, I delete it straight away and unfollow them. I follow pages and accounts that make me smile, laugh and feel inspired. I follow accounts that inspire me to eat better, exercise healthily, look after my mental health and try new things. I follow lots of pages that make me laugh with memes!

Finding a supportive online network

I’ve found a tribe of people on my different social media accounts that support me and engage with what I post - people that lift me up instead of bringing me down and make me feel connected rather than isolated.

Two girls sitting together at a park bench with their friends. They are both laughing and one is looking at her phone.

I found them by going to events, sharing my Twitter with people I trust and engaging with them online. My main passion is campaigning for better mental health services and awareness of mental illness, so I started to connect with people I met at conferences or training events.

Gradually, my network on social media grew and now it’s full of supportive and kind fellow campaigners and activists, instead of people that I used to follow who brought me down. It’s such a relief to be able to post on social media not just about the highs, but also the lows in life, and know that I will get support.

You don't owe anyone your online presence and you don't have to scroll through for hours in case you miss something.

I also follow positive accounts and I click through the suggested pages to find ones that inspire me. Social media is there to connect us, and I’m finally using it for that reason.

If you’re struggling with your social media, remember that it’s okay to take a break! You don’t owe anyone your online presence and you don’t have to scroll through for hours in case you miss something. Take time to practise self-care and remember that you’re amazing, valuable and loved with or without millions of followers.

More information and advice

We have tips and advice to help you find the support you need. Take a look at our guides.

Where to get help

However you're feeling, there are people who can help you if you are struggling. Here are some services that can support you.

  • The Mix

    Free, short-term online counselling for young people aged 25 or under. Their website also provides lots of information and advice about mental health and wellbeing. 

    Email support is available via their online contact form.

    They have a free 1-2-1 webchat service available during opening hours.

    Opening times:
    4pm - 11pm, Monday - Friday
  • Youth Access

    Provides information about local counselling and advice services for young people aged 11-25.

    Put in your location and what you need help with into their 'Find help' search, and see what services are available in your area.

  • Shout

    Text SHOUT to 85258.

    Shout provides free, 24/7 text support for young people across the UK experiencing a mental health crisis.

    All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors.

    Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus.

    Texts can be anonymous, but if the volunteer believes you are at immediate risk of harm, they may share your details with people who can provide support.

    Opening times:

Thanks for sharing your story Nikki

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