Parenting can be incredibly rewarding.
But it can also be really difficult. If your child or young person is behaving in ways that feel difficult to understand or manage, it's normal to feel worried, frustrated or exhausted. Challenging behaviour can affect the whole family, and leave you wondering what's causing it or how best to respond.
This guide explains what challenging behaviour is, some of the reasons it can happen, and practical ways you can support your child or young person. It also covers when it might be helpful to seek professional support and where to find it.
What is challenging behaviour?
Most children and young people behave in ways that adults find challenging from time to time. This might happen when they're feeling angry, frustrated, overwhelmed or struggling to cope with a situation.
Occasional disagreements, emotional outbursts or testing boundaries are a normal part of growing up. However, if behaviour becomes frequent, intense or starts affecting your child's relationships, learning, wellbeing or family life, it may be a sign that they need additional support.
Challenging behaviour is not a diagnosis or mental health condition. It is a term used to describe behaviour that is difficult to manage, causes concern, or has a significant impact on a child or young person's daily life or the people around them. What is considered challenging will depend on a child's age, stage of development, individual needs, and the situation they're in.
Remember that behaviour is only one part of the picture. Understanding when the behaviour happens, what might be triggering it and what your child may be trying to communicate can help you decide what support they need.
Examples of challenging behaviour include:
-
frequent angry outbursts or meltdowns
-
shouting, swearing or becoming very argumentative
-
hitting, kicking, biting or pushing other people
-
damaging property or throwing objects
-
refusing to follow reasonable boundaries or routines
-
acting impulsively in ways that put themselves or others at risk
-
bullying, intimidating or being deliberately hurtful towards others
-
regularly getting into trouble at school or being excluded from activities
-
withdrawing completely or refusing to communicate when they're distressed.
Why is my child behaving this way?
There is rarely a single reason why a child or young person behaves in a challenging way. Their behaviour may be influenced by their emotions, development, relationships, environment, or physical health. Sometimes it can be a way of showing that they’re struggling with something they don’t yet have the words to explain.
Understanding what might be contributing to your child's behaviour can help you respond in ways that meet their needs, while still maintaining clear and consistent boundaries.
It was exhausting. We loved our child so much, but we didn't know how to help them.
Some possible reasons for challenging behaviour include:
Children and young people are still learning how to recognise, understand and manage their emotions. When feelings like anger, frustration, anxiety, disappointment or embarrassment become overwhelming, they may express them through their behaviour rather than words.
As children grow, they test boundaries, seek independence, and learn how to manage increasingly complex emotions and relationships. Behaviours that are common at one age may become more concerning if they are persistent, become more intense over time or have a significant impact on everyday life.
Major life events and everyday stresses can affect how children behave. For example, changes such as starting a new school, family separation, moving home, bereavement, friendship difficulties or bullying can leave children feeling unsettled or overwhelmed.
Experiences of discrimination, racism, prejudice or feeling that they don't belong can also affect a child or young person's wellbeing and behaviour. For some families, experiences linked to migration, seeking asylum or adjusting to a new culture may also contribute to stress.
Sometimes challenging behaviour can be linked to a mental health difficulty like anxiety, depression or obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). A child who is struggling with their mental health may become withdrawn, irritable, angry or more likely to lash out.
Children with additional needs or who are neurodivergent, including autistic children and those with ADHD, may behave in challenging ways if they are overwhelmed, struggling with communication, finding it difficult to manage change or cope with sensory differences.
If behaviour has changed or you're concerned about your child's needs, it may be helpful to speak to their school, GP or another professional.
Behaviour can also be affected by physical factors such as tiredness, hunger, pain, illness or discomfort. Looking after your child's basic needs and noticing when behaviour changes alongside physical symptoms can sometimes help identify what’ is going on.
Difficulties at school or with friends can have a big impact on a child's behaviour. Problems such as bullying, friendship breakdowns, academic pressure, feeling misunderstood or finding the school environment overwhelming may affect how they behave both at school and at home.
Remember that there may be more than one reason for your child's behaviour. Looking at the wider picture, rather than focusing on a single incident, can help you understand what support they might need.
Race, racism, and challenging behaviour
It's important to recognise that ideas about what counts as ‘challenging’ behaviour are not always neutral. Racism, stereotypes and unconscious bias can affect how adults understand and respond to children and young people.
Research shows significant differences in how children from different ethnic backgrounds experience disciplinary action at school – for example, Black Caribbean and mixed White and Black Caribbean pupils have higher rates of suspension than the national average, while Gypsy/Roma and Traveller pupils also experience particularly high rates.
Racism and discrimination can also affect a child's wellbeing and behaviour. If you're concerned about your child's behaviour, it's important to consider what is happening around them as well as the behaviour itself. If you think your child is being treated differently because of their race or ethnicity, you can raise this with their school or another professional supporting them.
Spotting patterns and triggers
When behaviour feels difficult or unpredictable, it can be tempting to focus on individual incidents. But looking for patterns over time can help you understand what might be contributing to your child's behaviour and identify opportunities to support them.
Keeping a simple behaviour diary for a week or two can be useful. You don't need to record every detail – just enough to help you notice any patterns.
For example, you could write down:
-
what happened before the behaviour (for example a change in routine, an argument, a noisy environment or being asked to do something)
-
what the behaviour looked like
-
what happened afterwards, including how you and others responded
-
the time, place and who was there
-
anything else that may have been affecting them, like poor sleep, hunger, illness, or feeling overwhelmed
Over time, you may notice triggers or situations that make challenging behaviour more likely. This can help you think about whether changes to routines, the environment or the support your child receives could make a difference.
Remember that triggers are not always obvious, and there may be more than one factor involved. If you're struggling to identify patterns or your child's behaviour is having a significant impact on their daily life, it may be helpful to share your observations with your child's school, GP, or another professional.
Once we started writing things down, we realised there was always something happening beforehand that we hadn't noticed before.
Neurodiversity and challenging behaviour
Children and young people who are neurodivergent, including those who are autistic or have ADHD, may also behave in ways that adults find challenging. For example, they may become overwhelmed by sensory experiences, find it difficult to cope with unexpected changes, struggle to communicate how they're feeling, or become frustrated when demands feel too great.
Behaviour that looks like defiance, aggression or control may actually be a sign that your child is overwhelmed, anxious, or struggling to cope. Looking for changes in your child, and considering what happened before the behaviour, can help you understand what they might need.
Supporting neurodivergent children often means adapting the environment as well as responding to their behaviour.
This might include making routines more predictable, reducing sensory demands, giving clear and simple instructions, allowing extra processing time, or helping them prepare for changes.
If you're concerned that your child's behaviour is linked to an unmet need or you think they may have an additional need that hasn't yet been recognised, speak to your child's school, GP or another healthcare professional. They can discuss your concerns and whether further assessment or support may be helpful.
Talking to your child about their behaviour
Starting a conversation about your child's behaviour can feel difficult, particularly if they're upset, defensive, or reluctant to talk. They may not understand why they behaved the way they did, or they may find it hard to explain how they're feeling.
-
Choose the right time
Wait until everyone is calm, rather than trying to talk during or immediately after a difficult situation. Think about where your child would feel most comfortable to open up and share how things are going for them.
-
Talk while doing something together
Some children find it easier to open up while walking, drawing, cooking or travelling in the car, rather than sitting down for a formal conversation.
-
Listen without judgement
Ask open questions, give them time to answer and try to understand their perspective. You don't need to solve the problem immediately. Feeling listened to can be an important first step.
-
Separate the behaviour from the child
Make it clear that it's the behaviour you're concerned about, not who they are. Avoid labels like 'naughty', 'bad' or 'difficult'. Instead, describe what you've noticed and explain why the behaviour isn't okay, while reassuring them that you love and care about them.
-
Acknowledge their feelings
Let them know it's okay to feel angry, frustrated, worried or upset, while helping them understand that some behaviours, such as hurting others or damaging property, are not acceptable.
-
Don't force the conversation
If your child isn't ready to talk, let them know you're there to listen whenever they feel ready and look for another opportunity to check in later.
How to support your child with challenging behaviour
There is no single approach that works for every child. What helps will depend on their age, personality, needs and the reasons behind their behaviour.
However, these strategies can help many children and young people feel more supported while also encouraging positive behaviour.
When your child is overwhelmed, they may find it difficult to think clearly or manage their emotions. They often need support from a calm adult before they can calm themselves. This is known as ‘'co-regulation'.
You can help by:
-
speaking in a calm, steady voice
-
giving them space if they need it while letting them know you're there
-
keeping your own body language as relaxed as possible
-
avoiding shouting, arguing or trying to reason with them while they're highly distressed
-
waiting until everyone is calm before talking about what happened.
Children and young people benefit from knowing what’s expected of them. Try to keep rules simple, explain why they matter, and respond consistently when boundaries are crossed. While it's important to acknowledge your child's feelings, it's also okay to be clear that some behaviours, such as hurting others or damaging property, are not acceptable.
Similarly, having regular routines can help children feel more secure and know what to expect. Where possible, keep routines consistent, especially around meals, bedtime and school. If plans need to change, giving your child advance warning may help them prepare.
It's easy to focus on difficult moments, but noticing what is going well can help encourage positive behaviour. Try to praise specific behaviours, such as listening, sharing or finding a calm way to express feelings, so your child knows exactly what they've done well.
Children are more likely to manage their feelings when they can recognise and talk about them. Encourage your child to name how they're feeling and let them know that all emotions are okay, even if some behaviours are not. Younger children may find it easier to use emotion cards, books or visual scales to help describe their feelings.
Talk to your child about what helps them feel calmer when they're upset or overwhelmed. This might include listening to music, drawing, spending time outdoors, taking deep breaths, moving their body, cuddling a favourite toy or finding a quiet space. What works will be different for every child, so it can help to build a list of strategies together.
Once everyone is calm, take some time to talk about what happened. Listen to your child's perspective, think together about what might help next time and, if appropriate, encourage them to apologise or make amends. Repairing after conflict helps children learn that relationships can recover after difficult moments.
Try to spend regular time with your child doing activities you both enjoy. This doesn't have to be expensive or time-consuming, it could be playing a game, cooking together, going for a walk or watching a favourite film. Positive time together can strengthen your relationship and help your child feel safe, valued and connected.
When should I seek professional help for my child’s challenging behaviour?
Many children and young people go through periods of challenging behaviour as they grow and develop. However, if you're worried that your child's behaviour is becoming more frequent, more intense, or is having a significant impact on their daily life, it may be helpful to seek professional support.
It's a good idea to speak to a professional if:
-
your child's behaviour is becoming more frequent, severe or difficult to manage
-
it is affecting their learning, friendships or relationships at home
-
they seem unusually distressed, withdrawn, anxious or low
-
you're concerned they may have an unmet special educational need or disability (SEND), or another additional need
-
you've tried different strategies but nothing seems to be helping
-
you're worried about your child's safety or the safety of others.
There are different types of support available, depending on your child's needs.
If your child is behaving differently at home or school, working together with school staff can help build a clearer picture of what's going on. Sharing information and agreeing on consistent approaches can make it easier for your child to feel supported. One parent told us that “once the school understood what was happening, everything became much more consistent.”
When speaking to your child's school or college, it can help to:
-
Share your concerns early. Let staff know what you've noticed at home and ask whether they’ve seen similar behaviours at school.
-
Look for patterns. Behaviour may happen in some situations but not others. Talking about when, where and with whom the behaviour occurs can help identify possible triggers.
-
Explore what might be contributing to the behaviour. Difficulties within the family, friendships, bullying, learning, sensory overload, changes in routine or feeling overwhelmed can all affect how a child behaves at school.
-
Work together on consistent strategies. Agreeing on similar approaches at home and school, where appropriate, can help children know what to expect and avoid mixed messages.
-
Speak to the right members of staff. Depending on your child's needs, this might include their class teacher, form tutor, pastoral lead, SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) or another member of staff who knows them well.
If you think your child may have an unmet special educational need or disability (SEND), or their behaviour is making it difficult for them to access learning, talk to the school about what support and reasonable adjustments may be available.
Sometimes challenging behaviour can be linked to an unmet additional need, such as autism, ADHD, a learning disability or another developmental difference. If you have concerns, speak to your GP, your child's school or your child's SENCO about whether an assessment would be appropriate.
Depending on your child's circumstances, you may also be able to access support from local authority services, community organisations or charities that specialise in supporting children and young people with behavioural, emotional or developmental needs.
If you feel your family's racial background, language or cultural experiences are affecting the support you're receiving, let professionals know. You can ask for information in your preferred language or discuss any cultural or religious needs that are important to your family.
And if you're concerned that your child is at immediate risk of harm, or they have seriously harmed themselves or someone else, seek urgent help straight away.
Looking after yourself
Supporting a child or young person whose behaviour is challenging can be emotionally and physically demanding. You may feel exhausted, frustrated, worried or unsure whether you're doing the right thing. As one parent put it, “I spent so much time trying to support my child that I forgot I needed support too.”
These feelings are common and looking after yourself is an important part of supporting your child.
Remember that you're not alone. Many parents and carers experience similar challenges. Peer support groups, local parent networks and online communities can provide practical advice, reassurance and the opportunity to speak to people who understand what you're going through.
Make time to look after your own wellbeing. Even small things, such as taking a short walk, spending time on a hobby, exercising or getting enough rest where possible, can help you manage stress and feel better able to cope.
And seek support if you're struggling. If your child's behaviour is having a significant impact on your mental health or wellbeing, speak to your GP or another healthcare professional. You don't have to cope with everything on your own.
Useful helplines and websites
While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.
-
YoungMinds Parents Helpline
We support parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person's mental health. We can provide detailed information and advice, emotional support and signposting.
You can speak to us over the phone or chat to us online. When we’re closed, you can still leave us a message and we'll get back to you in 3-5 working days.
- Opening times:
- 9.30am-4pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays; 9.30am-6pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays
-
Family Lives
Emotional support, information, advice and guidance on any aspect of parenting and family life.
- Opening times:
- 9am - 9pm, Monday to Friday; 10am - 3pm at weekends
-
Family Line
Provides information and support around family issues, as well as longer-term help through Befrienders and Counsellors.
- Opening times:
- 9am - 9pm, Monday - Friday
-
Contact - For Parents
Provides support, information and advice for families with children with disabilities or other conditions including ADHD. Also runs family workshops and activities.
Free online chat service available.
- Opening times:
- 9:30am - 5pm, Monday - Friday
-
Children 1st Parentline
Support for families living in Scotland. You can call their helpline for parenting support and advice on any issue, including challenging behaviour, divorce and separation, stress, or money worries. You can also find lots of information on their website.
You can also speak to someone over web chat.
- Opening times:
- Monday - Friday, 9am - 9pm; Saturday - Sunday, 9am - 12 noon
-
One Parent Families Scotland
Provides support, information and advice for single parents in Scotland.
Online chat service available.
- Opening times:
- 9.30am - 4pm, Monday - Friday
This page was reviewed in July 2026.
It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with challenging behaviour.
We will next review the page in 2029.
YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK – the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.
Please be aware that this form isn’t a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.
At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you’d like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.