It can be really tough when someone you care about is struggling.
You might feel worried, unsure what to say, or scared of doing the wrong thing. But just being there for a friend can mean more than you think.
We’re here to help you spot when a friend might be going through a hard time, and to give you ideas for how to support them in a way that’s safe, kind and manageable for both of you. Because while it’s important to support others, it’s not all on you to fix things. You need to look after yourself too.
We never really spoke of my troubles explicitly; he just knew that I was struggling and was always on hand to suggest fun activities and encourage me to do them with him.
Sometimes it’s clear when someone is going through a tough time. But other times, it’s harder to tell. There’s no simple way to know if someone is struggling with their mental health, because everyone reacts differently. Some people show lots of signs, while others might not show any at all.
And how someone deals with what they’re feeling can be shaped by lots of things – like their culture or religion, how they were raised, their beliefs, or how they’ve learned to cope in difficult times. But there are still signs you can look out for if you’re worried something’s not right.
Some changes you might notice include:
seeming restless, agitated, tearful or angry
acting withdrawn or distant, like not replying to messages or avoiding people
losing interest in things they normally enjoy
feeling tired all the time or low on energy
talking about feeling hopeless, worthless or trapped
sleeping or eating much more or less than usual
using alcohol or drugs to cope
taking more risks than usual, like gambling or being aggressive
struggling to keep up with daily life, like school, work or responsibilities
Sometimes it’s a life event that can cause a friend to struggle. Here are some things to look out for:
losing someone close, through death or a relationship ending
problems at home, like arguments or family breakdown
stress about housing, money, school, uni or work
bullying, abuse or neglect
feeling lonely or isolated
struggling with a long-term illness or pain
finding the news or current events overwhelming
Some might not show any signs that they’re experiencing poor mental health - it’s not always obvious from the outside.
It can be really hard to see someone you care about struggling. But you don’t need to be an expert to support them. Often, small everyday things, like listening, checking in, or just being around, can make a big difference.
If you’re worried about someone, here are some things that can help:
Tell them you’re worried
This can be a gentle way to start a conversation. It shows you care, that you're there for them, and that they don’t have to hide how they're feeling around you.
Don’t force it
Try not to pressure them into opening up or getting help before they’re ready. If they don’t want to talk, that’s okay. You can let them know you’re around if they change their mind. Gently asking about how they’re feeling can help them figure out what they want to do.
Offer practical help
Sometimes little things make a big difference. You could offer to go with them to an appointment, help with small tasks like shopping, or just spend time together. Ask what they need and go from there.
Carry on as normal
Keep doing the things you usually do together, whether that’s messaging, hanging out, or just checking in from time-to-time. Acting differently might make them feel more isolated, so try to keep things relaxed and natural.
I found it extremely helpful to discuss boundaries and how best to help each other without compromising our own mental health.
Talking to a friend about their mental health can feel daunting, especially if you’re unsure what to say or how they’ll respond. But even small conversations can make a big difference. You don’t need to have all the answers or say the perfect thing. What matters most is that you’re there and showing that you care.
If you’re not sure where to start, these tips can help:
Pick a time and place where you won’t be interrupted. This could be a quiet room at school or uni, or anywhere you both feel comfortable to chat. Some people find talking while on a walk can take the pressure off the conversation. Try to avoid busy or stressful times. And if you can, give yourself enough time so neither of you feel rushed.
Let them talk at their own pace. They might not be ready to open up, and that’s okay. Don’t push for details. Just giving them space to talk shows that you care and that they can trust you. They might open up more over time.
You don’t have to fix everything – just be there to listen. Try to really hear what they’re saying without interrupting. You could reflect back what you’ve heard to show you understand, using phrases like “It sounds like…” or “It seems that…”.
Everyone is different, so ask what would be helpful for them. This could be something small, like checking in later or going to an appointment with them. Let them take the lead in what they feel comfortable with.
Let them know they’re not a burden and you’re glad they spoke to you. Keep inviting them to do the things you’d normally do together, even if they don’t always say yes. Feeling included and supported can make a big difference.
You don’t need to be a mental health expert to be there for them. Focus on how they’re feeling, rather than trying to label or fix things. Judging or making assumptions might make them feel misunderstood or overwhelmed.
Try questions like “How have you been feeling lately?” or “What’s been going on for you?” These types of questions help keep the conversation going. Avoid asking “why” questions, which can feel a bit too direct or like they need to justify themselves.
If it feels right, you can gently suggest things that might help them feel more grounded, like resting, going outside, journaling or doing something creative. Don’t make it sound like a fix, just something they could try.
Let them know about other places they can get support, like their GP, a counsellor, or a helpline. Offer to help them look up services or go with them if that's what they need.
Should I tell someone what my friend said?
If your friend is in danger, their safety comes first. That means it’s okay to tell a trusted adult, even if your friend has asked you not to. This could be a parent, teacher, doctor or someone else you trust.
You should tell someone if:
they’ve said they want to hurt themselves or end their life
they’re in immediate danger to themselves or others
they’ve told you about abuse or neglect
If you can, let your friend know you’re going to tell someone. You could say something like, “I know you don’t want anyone to know, but I’m really worried about you and I don’t want you to go through this alone.”
If it’s not an emergency, it’s best to respect their privacy. But you could still encourage them to speak to someone themselves or offer to go with them to get help.
Try not to interrupt or rush the person talking. It’s best to have the conversation with them when you do not have somewhere to go or something to do soon after. This can add to the pressure and make them feel unheard or abandoned.
If you’re really worried about someone, it can feel frustrating or upsetting when they don’t want your support. But people don’t always feel ready to talk or get help, and that’s okay. You can’t force them to open up, but just being there can help. There are still ways you can support them in this tricky time.
Let them know where to find help
Even if they don’t want help right now, they might change their mind later. Sharing details of any services, websites or helplines you know could make it easier for them to reach out when they’re ready. There are lots of organisations and helplines out there that can support them.
Encourage them to talk to someone else
If they don’t want to talk to you, you can suggest they speak to someone else they trust, like another friend, a family member, a teacher or a faith leader.
Say you’ll be there if they change their mind
Even if they’re not ready now, knowing you’re there might help them feel less alone. Show your support by letting them know you’re always there if they want to talk.
Check in on them again later
If it feels safe and manageable for you, try to keep in touch and regularly check in on them. A simple text or “how are you doing?” can go a long way.
Remind your friends that there is no shame in speaking openly about what they are going through, whether it be with their loved ones or a mental health professional.
Supporting someone else with their mental health can be really tough. Your feelings are valid and it’s important to look after your own wellbeing too. Besides, you can’t help others if you’re running on empty.
Here are some tips for looking after yourself while you look after someone else:
Set boundaries
It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to be available all the time. Try to notice when things are getting too much and take a step back. You can still care about someone and take time for yourself. Let them know if you need a break, or if there are things you can’t talk about. You’re not responsible for solving everything and that’s okay.
Share the carer role
It’s not all on you. So try not to do everything on your own. Encourage your friend to talk to other people they trust, like family, other friends, or a mental health professional. You could suggest they talk to their GP or share helplines with them that they could call. The more support they have around them, the less pressure there is on you.
Talk to someone
You deserve support too. Talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling. You don’t have to share everything about your friend, just focus on your own thoughts and emotions. If you’re finding it hard to talk to someone you know, you can also call a helpline for support.
Make time for yourself
Try to keep doing things that help you feel good, like hobbies, seeing friends or getting outside. You’re allowed to enjoy things, even if someone you care about is struggling. And looking after your own health means you’ll be in a better place to support someone else.
I realised that setting boundaries in friendships doesn’t mean not being there, or being a bad friend, it simply means putting your mental health first.
If you’re there when this happens, this can be really scary. You might feel unsure about what to say or do in the moment. That’s okay – remember that just being there can help.
What you do next depends on how urgent the situation is. Here are some steps you can take:
If they have hurt themselves and need medical help, have said they’re going to end their life, or are putting themselves or others at risk, they need urgent help.
Call 999 or help them get to A&E. If you can, stay with them until they see a doctor.
A mental health crisis is just as serious as a physical injury and your friend deserves support.
Call NHS 111 and choose option two for urgent mental health support.
Help them make an emergency GP appointment.
Encourage them to call Samaritans on 116 123. If they want, you can help them make the call or sit with them while they do it. You can also call Samaritans yourself.
If they’ve talked about a way they might hurt themselves, it can help to remove anything they could use.
Call 999 and ask for the police. It’s okay to put your safety first. That’s not getting someone in trouble, it’s protecting everyone involved.
Ask what they need: Try saying: “What do you need right now?” or “Is there anything I can do to help?” Let them tell you what feels helpful.
Listen and stay present: Give them your full attention. Try not to interrupt, give advice or say they’re wrong. Just listen and show you care.
Try to stay calm: Speak gently, keep your body language relaxed and stay with them if you can.
Help them contact someone: Ask if there’s a trusted person they’d like you to call, like a parent, teacher, doctor or friend. Sometimes just knowing someone else is aware can help. And it can take the pressure off you too.
Support for specific mental health problems
For information on how you can support someone with a specific mental health problem, take a look at our guides.
Offers confidential advice and support for young people struggling with suicidal thoughts, as well as family and friends; and information about how to make a safety plan.
Its helpline service - HOPELINE247 - is available to anybody under the age of 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, or anybody concerned that a young person could be thinking of suicide.
It was co-created by young people with lived experience of supporting a friend.
We will next review the page in 2028.
YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK – the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.
Please be aware that this form isn’t a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.
