Lots of young people will have thoughts about suicide at some point. Having these thoughts does not mean someone is necessarily going to attempt suicide. But it does mean they need help and support. All suicidal feelings should be taken seriously. As a parent or carer, you are right to be concerned and to act on this promptly.
If your child or young person is experiencing suicidal thoughts, it can be incredibly distressing. It’s important to remember that they can come out the other side and feel okay again. And you are not alone. On this page, you can find information, advice and services that can help you.
If your child or young person is having a mental health crisis and needs help now, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.
How to know if a young person is having suicidal thoughts
It’s not always easy to know if a young person is having suicidal thoughts. Every young person will express, or not express, their feelings differently. Some young people will be very clear that they are thinking about suicide, while others won’t. Some will experience suicidal thoughts over an extended period of time. Others may find that their thoughts arise as sudden urges. This can make it difficult for you to understand what’s going on.
If you’re worried, you can try gently checking in with your child or young person. You can also encourage them to talk to another trusted adult if they’re finding it hard to talk to you.
If your child or young person isn't talking, changes in their behaviour can sometimes help you understand what they might be feeling.
While these won’t apply to everyone, these are some warning signs to look out for:
- expressing strong feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness and/or guilt and shame
- withdrawing – spending lots of time alone or not wanting to be around friends and family
- losing interest in daily life or things they usually enjoy
- saying things like "I wish I wasn’t here", "I can’t go on", "I can’t take it anymore", or "people would be better off without me”
- losing interest in their appearance
- talking, writing or drawing a lot about death
- giving away their possessions
- seeming very agitated and/or behaving in ways that seem strange or out of character
- using drugs or alcohol to help them cope when they’re struggling – these can intensify thoughts, feelings and impulsive decision-making
- self-harming
If you’re worried, it's important to talk your concerns through with a professional – even if you're not completely sure what's going on. You can find out how to do this below.
Self-harm and suicide
There can be links between self-harm and suicidal thoughts. But if a young person is self-harming, it does not necessarily mean they are feeling suicidal.
Research shows that young people who make a suicide attempt are more likely to have self-harmed in the past. But self-harm can also be a coping mechanism, rather than an expression of suicidal feelings. Some young people will self-harm without experiencing suicidal thoughts.
For more information and advice about self-harm, have a look at our guide.
Talking about suicidal thoughts
Talking about this may feel difficult, daunting or scary. You might be worried about saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse. This is completely understandable. But if you’re worried, it’s actually really important to find out how your child or young person is feeling.
Being able to share their thoughts, and knowing you’re someone they can turn to, will help them feel less alone. Asking them about suicidal thoughts will also help you to understand what’s going on. This means you can make a more informed decision about what to do next. Talking about suicidal thoughts with your child or young person will not increase their risk or put ideas in their head.
Here are three tips for approaching the conversation:
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Start gently, but then move on to a direct question
You can start the conversation gently, using a phrase like: “I’ve noticed that you seem really down at the moment, I’m wondering what might be going on?”. This will help things feel less abrupt for both of you. But at some point during the conversation, it’s really important to ask a direct and closed question about whether they are thinking about suicide.
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Use clear and direct words
When you ask about suicidal thoughts, use clear words such as 'suicide’, ‘ending your life’ or ‘taking your own life’. For example, you might say: “I’m wondering if things are ever so bad at the moment that you feel like you’re having suicidal thoughts?” Avoid vague language like ‘dark thoughts’ or ‘thoughts of harming yourself’. Using direct words lets them know that you want them to tell you about this, and that you’re a safe person to talk to.
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Practice saying the words beforehand
You might find it helpful to practice saying the words you're going to use before you talk to your child. Getting used to saying words like 'suicide' or 'suicidal thoughts' might help you to feel more confident during the conversation.
You can get advice and support if you’re feeling unsure about how to go about the conversation.
PAPYRUS supports parents and carers who are worried that their child or young person is having suicidal thoughts. You can have a look at their conversation starters, and their tips for parents and carers.
You can also contact their Hopeline for support, information and advice over the phone. They can help you get ready for the conversation, process what’s been said and think through next steps.
What can I do if they don't want to talk to me?
Some young people will find it difficult to talk. As a parent or carer, this can be incredibly challenging.
In this situation, you can try other ways of supporting them to open up, such as:
- writing them a letter
- speaking to them over text
- starting a conversation while doing an activity such as walking or cooking, which could help them to feel more relaxed
- encouraging them to speak to someone else first, such as another member of the family or a family friend
- encouraging them to speak to a helpline service first - you can find a list of these at the bottom of this page
Ultimately, if they don’t want to talk, there’s no way to make them. If you’re worried, seek professional help. If they aren’t talking and you’re worried about their safety, you should follow the steps below to get urgent professional help.
How to respond if they tell you they're having suicidal thoughts
- Take their feelings seriously. They may have taken a big risk in telling you. It’s important to give enough space for talking about it together and making them feel heard.
- Let them know you’re glad they’ve told you. This will help to reassure them if they’re worried about how you might react or what you might be thinking.
- Keep your voice and body language calm. It can feel really hard to stay calm in this situation. But try not to respond with panic. This could stop your child or young person from being honest with you. If you need to, ask them for a few minutes to gather your thoughts.
- Don’t try to fix their feelings straightaway. This is sometimes our instinct as a parent or carer, because we want to make it better. But it can leave a young person feeling misunderstood. To begin with, focus on listening and providing emotional support, letting them talk for as long as they need to.
- Empathise with how they are feeling. If you can, use their own words to reflect back how they might be feeling. Avoid downplaying feelings, for example by telling them "not to worry".
- Explore what’s making them feel this way. Do they know what has brought them to a place where things feel so bad? Are there any changes that would make things feel better? If they can’t answer this right now, don’t put pressure on them to come up with answers. Keep the communication as open as you can, giving opportunities to explore this together over time.
- Get a sense of what their thoughts are like. It’s important to establish how strong or intense their thoughts are. It’s particularly important to find out whether they have started making a plan to attempt suicide. This might include thinking about how, when or where they could do it. It may also involve researching methods online. Having thoughts about a plan is one of the biggest signs that they are at risk of making an attempt. In this situation, you should get urgent professional help as soon as possible.
- Reassure them that you can get through this together. Tell them that you love them and they’re not alone. Let them know that you can find support together, and they can talk to you about these thoughts whenever they need to.
- Get professional advice about what to do next. Do this after your conversation, even if you do not think your child or young person currently has a plan to attempt suicide. Young people can sometimes act on impulse. So even if they’re not making a plan, it's important to be aware that they may still be at risk. If they’re having suicidal thoughts, you should seek professional help about what to do next. You can find out how to do this below.
Finding professional help
If your child or young person has made a suicide attempt or has been seriously injured:
- call 999 for an ambulance straightaway
- you can also call the police by dialing 999 if there is a risk to the safety of other people
If you are worried that they are not safe, or are at risk of making a suicide attempt or seriously hurting themselves:
- call 999 for an ambulance
- or take them to Accident & Emergency (A&E)
If the situation is not immediately life threatening, but you need urgent advice:
- if you live in England, call your local NHS urgent mental health helpline or 111
- if you live in Wales or Scotland, call 111 for NHS 111 Wales and NHS 24 Scotland
- if a mental health team such as CAMHS has already given you a crisis plan with a number to call when your child or young person needs urgent care, follow this plan
If your child or young person contacts you while they’re away from home:
- encourage them to get to a safe place, and then follow the steps above
Remember that it can be very difficult to judge whether someone is at risk of making a suicide attempt. This is particularly true if you’re dealing with the situation alone. If you’re worried, don’t keep it to yourself. Get urgent professional advice and ask for support from friends and family.
If your child or young person is having suicidal thoughts but they are not at immediate risk, speak to your GP as soon as you can.
If needed, you can book an urgent on-the-day appointment with a GP by calling the surgery in the morning.
The GP can:
- find out what your child or young person's thoughts and feelings are like
- provide information and advice, including around staying safe
- refer them for an assessment by a mental health specialist
Your GP should take your concerns, and your child or young person’s thoughts and feelings, seriously. If they are not offered the right support, you can ask the surgery for an appointment with a different doctor.
You can find more advice on speaking to GPs in our guide for parents and carers.
Let your child or young person know about the helplines, textlines and online chat services they can contact. You can find a list of these at the end of this guide.
Make sure they know they can access 24/7 support from PAPYRUS, Childline, Samaritans and Shout. Help them to save the contact details on their phone.
Counsellors and therapists can help your child or young person to make sense of how they’re feeling and work with them to find ways of coping.
If you do get help from a therapist, it’s a good idea to seek advice from your GP as well. Alongside talking to a therapist, your child or young person may need a risk assessment or referral for specialist help.
You can find out more about counselling and therapy in our guide for parents and carers.
If your child or young person has recently made a suicide attempt, they need to be urgently assessed by a mental health specialist.
If they have not been assessed since making the attempt, you can:
- make an urgent on-the-day appointment with your GP
- call your local NHS urgent mental health helpline or 111, if you live in England
- call 111 for NHS 111 Wales and NHS 24 Scotland, if you live in Wales or Scotland
What happens if we go to A&E?
Taking your child or young person to A&E in this situation can feel strange for parents and carers. Remember that this is the right thing to do. The NHS is very clear that a mental health emergency is as serious as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.
If you go to A&E, your child or young person should be assessed by a child and adolescent mental health specialist. The specialist will decide on next steps and provide advice about risk management.
Some people are more at risk of taking their own life during the seven days after a hospital admission for a suicide attempt. The professional who assesses your child or young person should have a plan around follow-up and support after leaving hospital.
If your child or young person is 18 or older, A&E should either provide an assessment by an adult mental health specialist or contact the relevant local service.
Looking after yourself
Supporting someone who is feeling suicidal is incredibly hard and a huge responsibility. Some parents and carers in this situation tell us they are living in a state of fear all the time. This is exhausting and can start to affect your own mental health.
It’s important to recognise the impact the situation is having on you, and to think about ways you can take care of yourself. This includes getting support from other people so that you can take some time off. Talk to someone you trust and ask for help when you need it.
Remember that even when you’re desperately worried about your child or young person, it is not possible to supervise them 24/7. If you feel like they need to be supervised all the time, this may be a sign that it's too much to manage at home. In this situation, some young people need to be in hospital, where they can get the right help and you can be supported by professionals.
Sometimes it helps just having someone there who can listen to what you’re going through. If you need someone to talk to, you can call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123. You can also speak to your GP about local counselling and therapy services. Or you can find a private therapist if this is an affordable option for you.
Useful helplines and websites
While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.
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Papyrus
Offers confidential advice and support for young people struggling with suicidal thoughts, as well as family and friends; and information about how to make a safety plan.
Its helpline service - HOPELINE247 - is available to anybody under the age of 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, or anybody concerned that a young person could be thinking of suicide.
- Opening times:
- 24/7 every day of the year
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YoungMinds Parents Helpline
We support parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person's mental health. Our Parents Helpline provides detailed advice and information, emotional support and signposting.
You can speak to us over the phone or chat to us online.
You can speak to us over webchat between 9.30am and 4pm from Monday-Friday. When we’re closed, you can still leave us a message in the chat. We’ll reply to you by email in 3-5 working days.
- Opening times:
- 9.30am-4pm, Monday-Friday
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Parenting Mental Health
Digital support community and charity offering information, peer support, facilitated listening circles, mentoring and courses for parents of children with mental health difficulties.
Founder Suzanne Alderson’s book Never Let Go - How to Parent Your Child Through Mental Illness (Penguin, 2020) outlines how she supported her daughter to recovery after she became depressed and suicidal.
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Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS)
Offers support for people over the age of 18 who have lost someone to suicide.
- Opening times:
- 9am - 9pm, Monday - Friday
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Samaritans
Whatever you're going through, you can contact the Samaritans for support. N.B. This is a listening service and does not offer advice or intervention.
- Opening times:
- 24/7
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Papyrus
Offers confidential advice and support for young people struggling with suicidal thoughts, as well as family and friends; and information about how to make a safety plan.
Its helpline service - HOPELINE247 - is available to anybody under the age of 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, or anybody concerned that a young person could be thinking of suicide.
- Opening times:
- 24/7 every day of the year
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Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258.
Shout provides free, 24/7 text support for young people across the UK experiencing a mental health crisis.
All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors.
Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus.
Texts can be anonymous, but if the volunteer believes you are at immediate risk of harm, they may share your details with people who can provide support.
- Opening times:
- 24/7
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Childline
If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.
Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.
Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.
Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.
- Opening times:
- 24/7
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The Mix
Free, short-term online counselling for young people aged 25 or under. Their website also provides lots of information and advice about mental health and wellbeing.
Email support is available via their online contact form.
They have a free 1-2-1 webchat service available during opening hours.
- Opening times:
- 4pm - 11pm, Monday - Friday
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Samaritans
Whatever you're going through, you can contact the Samaritans for support. N.B. This is a listening service and does not offer advice or intervention.
- Opening times:
- 24/7
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Muslim Youth Helpline
Provides faith and culturally sensitive support for young Muslims.
Online chat service available during opening hours.
- Opening times:
- 4pm - 10pm, 365 days a year
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Black Minds Matter
Connects Black individuals and families with free professional mental health services across the UK.
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Youth Access
Provides information about local counselling and advice services for young people aged 11-25.
Put in your location and what you need help with into their 'Find help' search, and see what services are available in your area.
This page was reviewed in January 2024.
It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with suicidal thoughts.
We will next review the page in 2027.
YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK – the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.
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