What is autism?
Autism is neurodivergent or developmental condition that affects the way someone thinks about things and interacts with the world. It is not a mental health condition.
Autism is a spectrum condition. This means each person experiences autism differently. They may experience different autistic traits to greater or lesser extents. They may also need more support with some things than others.
Autism does not mean something is 'wrong' with your child. Autistic people may sometimes need support and adjustments to thrive, but can also be incredibly creative and conceptual thinkers.
Different experiences of autism
It’s important to understand that autism can present differently in girls. Autistic girls may also ‘mask’ or hide their autistic traits more than boys do. This can lead to autism being missed or misdiagnosed. It can also mean that some girls do not get a diagnosis until later in life.
Some parents have also found that professionals can miss autistic traits in Black and Racialised young people. Research by the National Autistic Society suggests that assumptions may sometimes be made about a child’s behaviour or ability. Professionals may also be unable to offer culturally specific support. This can create barriers around getting a diagnosis and accessing help.
Autism looks different for every individual. Autistic children and young people come from all backgrounds, ethnicities and cultures. They can be of any gender or identity.
Autism assessment and diagnosis
If you think your child may be autistic but they have not yet been assessed, speak to a professional about this. They can talk things through with you and help to arrange a referral if needed. You can speak to:
- your GP
- a health visitor
- your child’s teacher
- the Special Educational Needs Coordinator (SENCO) at your child’s school
- a private healthcare provider, if this is an affordable option for you
- another kind of professional supporting your child, such as a therapist
You can find out how autism assessments work on the NHS website. It might also be helpful to have a look at NHS Right to Choose. If you live in England, this means you have the right to choose which service the NHS refers your child to for an assessment. You can speak to your GP about what the options are and what the waiting lists are for each service.
Autism and mental health
Just like anyone, autistic children and teenagers will have times when they feel good about their mental health. They may also have times when they feel more anxious, low or stressed.
But some research suggests that autistic young people can be more likely to experience a mental health issue such as anxiety at some point. Each autistic person’s experience will be different and more research is needed to understand this.
Some common experiences that could affect a child or young person’s mental health include:
It can be stressful for autistic people to spend time in places that do not meet their sensory or communication needs. For some autistic young people, this may include aspects of their school. In certain environments, an autistic person may experience sensory overload. Or, they may feel exhausted after ‘masking’ or hiding their autistic traits all day. This uses up a lot of energy and can leave them feeling tired or burnt-out.
Some autistic young people may feel misunderstood or not accepted as themselves in certain groups. Some may also experience stigma, discrimination or bullying. As with any young person, these types of difficult experiences can leave someone feeling lonely, anxious or bad about themselves.
Research by the National Autistic Society suggests that some services lack the confidence and expertise needed to provide specialist help. This can cause delays and make it difficult for some young people to find support that really helps.
Day-to-day life may sometimes feel more challenging, especially if some needs are not well understood or supported. Challenges for autistic young people can include:
- feeling overwhelmed or anxious when something is new or changing
- feeling worried about social situations or a pressure to ‘fit in’
- needing more downtime to re-charge and feeling tired if this does not happen
- having trouble sleeping
How to talk with your child about their mental health
If you’re concerned that your child is struggling, try to start a conversation about what’s going on. These strategies can help autistic young people to feel more relaxed when communicating.
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Find a place to talk that is quiet and calm
Things like background noise or bright lighting can be distracting. This will make the conversation much harder.
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Try talking while doing an activity
Chatting side-to-side instead of face-to-face might be easier. You could drive, walk or colour-in together.
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Find out what kind of communication works for them
Are there things that would make talking to you easier? This might include:
- speaking in a particular place or at a certain time
- having time in advance to think about their answers
- texting, writing or drawing instead of talking
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Ask closed, direct questions
Everyone is different and you will know what works best for your child. But some autistic people can find open questions such as "how was your day?" hard to answer. Try asking more direct questions such as, "did anything happen today that upset you?"
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Allow time for them to answer questions
Your child may need some time to process your question and respond to it. When waiting for an answer, it might feel tempting to ask the question again or rephrase it. But it’s okay to leave some silence sometimes.
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Give clear requests
If you're asking them to do something, like attend an appointment with a professional, make the request clear. Explain clearly who the appointment is with, what it's for and what will happen there.
If they’re given space to figure out who they are, and encouraged to communicate their individual passions and dislikes, they become less interested in ‘fitting in’ and more interested in being their unique selves.
How to support your child’s wellbeing
This can really help to reduce anxiety. Some children find it helpful to see their routine displayed visually. For example, you could put photos or a timetable up on the family fridge or in their bedroom, showing what they do during different parts of the day.
If there is a change coming up, help them to prepare for it in advance. Think together about what it will be like for them and what might help it feel easier.
This is particularly important after a busy day or week. Having time to rest in a way that works for them can prevent things from building up. This can help to stop things from reaching a point where they're overwhelming.
Meltdowns and shutdowns are not tantrums and naughtiness – they are an expression of autistic overwhelm and your child needs space, calm and compassion to regulate themselves.
Having people around them who understand them can help to reduce day-to-day stress. This could include teachers at school or other family members. Let these people know about the things your child finds difficult and what helps. It can be more useful to focus on this, rather than expecting your child to be able to change their own behaviour.
Having some go-to activities and strategies can help to reduce anxiety before it becomes overwhelming. Encourage them to come up with their own ideas based on what works for them. It might be:
- colouring-in or drawing
- listening to or reading a favourite story
- watching a favourite TV programme or film
- doing an activity they enjoy like lego, sport or baking
- using a sensory activity they particularly like
Over time, you’ll get to know what they like and don’t like from the way they react to different situations. If they’ve had a diagnosis, their sensory needs or ‘profile’ may also be outlined as part of their assessment. For example, if they feel particularly stressed or upset in busy places, they may be sensitive to noise and bright lights. You can help by encouraging them to wear noise cancelling headphones or sunglasses, or visiting during a quieter time. If they are particularly sensitive to touch and texture, you can help by choosing clothes that feel nice on their skin and cutting off labels.
This includes:
- eating well
- moving their body in whatever way they enjoy, such as walking, running, dancing or doing sport
- staying hydrated by drinking things like juice or water
- getting enough sleep
- spending time with loved ones
Some autistic children and young people go through times when they’re struggling with sleep. If you’re concerned about this, speak to a GP about what might help.
If your child or young person is feeling isolated at the moment, ask if they would like to meet some new people. They could do this by joining a local group or club. This could be for a particular interest or hobby they enjoy. Or it could be a social group for autistic children and young people. You may be able to find a group by:
- joining one of the National Autistic Society’s local branches
- searching their directory for other local services
Parents tell us it’s important to remember that some common parenting strategies might not work for autistic children. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do certain things just because others are. Focus on finding what works for you and your child.
Don't get hung up on comparisons with other children or parenting 'advice' which may not be right for your child and your family.
How to find mental health support
If your child or young person is struggling at the moment, you can:
Your GP can think about what’s going on and explain the options around treatment and support. If needed, they can also refer them to the NHS service for children and young people’s mental health, known as CAMHS.
It can help to give your child a clear idea about what will happen before and during the appointment. You can think together about how they might cope with any challenges. You can also ask your GP to make adjustments such as:
- dimming the lights in the room
- providing a quiet room to wait in
- letting you wait outside the surgery and calling you in when the GP is ready
- doing a home visit if your child is struggling to leave the house to attend appointments
You can find out more about GP appointments in our guide for parents and carers.
Counsellors and therapists can help your child to make sense of how they’re feeling. They can also work with them to find ways of coping. Find a counsellor or therapist who has done some specific training around working with autistic children and young people, and who is experienced in working in this area.
You can find out more about counselling in our guide for parents and carers.
The school should be able to provide specialist help to support your child’s wellbeing and learning. You can speak to the school’s Special Education Needs Coordinator (SENCO) or another member of staff about this.
The school should take steps to assess and understand your child’s needs. They should also put measures in place to make sure they’re meeting these. This is called Special Education Needs (SEN) support. You may also hear your child’s support referred to as an Individual Education Plan or IEP.
If your child’s needs cannot be met by the school, they may be able to have an assessment for an Education, Health and Care plan (EHCP). This is carried out by your local authority. If an EHCP is put in place, it outlines how the extra support your child needs will be provided.
As their parent or carer, you can ask the local authority to carry out an EHC assessment yourself. You do not need a referral from your child’s school. If your child is aged between 16 and 25, they can also ask for the assessment themselves.
The National Autistic Society has more information on EHCPs and help available at school.
Your Local Offer
Your local authority should provide a list of the services available in your area to support children and adults with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND). You can find your local offer by searching online. Or you can call your local council to ask for this information.
Your local SENDIAS
SENDIAS stands for Special Education Needs and Disability Information, Advice and Support Service. Every local authority is required to fund a SENDIAS service for their area. But SENDIAS works separately to the local authority and does not work on the local authority’s behalf. This means they can provide free and independent advice about Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND). You can search for your local SENDIAS online or call your local council to ask for their contact details.
The National Autistic Society also has lots of information about supporting an autistic person who is struggling with their mental health. This includes advice around specific mental health conditions such as anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or eating problems.
Trust your instincts. You know your child best and if your gut is telling you something is there, don't be afraid to push for further investigation and support.
Getting support for you
When your child or young person is struggling, things can feel really tough sometimes. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. This might look like sharing your worries with someone you trust or asking for support so you can take a bit of time off. Lots of parents and carers in this situation have found it helpful to connect with others going through similar things. You could do this through:
- The National Autistic Society, which provides a parent-to-parent emotional support line. Through this, you can get support from another parent or carer of an autistic child or adult.
- Your local parent and carer forum - a group of local parents and carers whose children have SEND (Special Educational Needs or Disabilities). You can search for this online or use Contact’s directory.
Useful helplines and websites
While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.
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National Autistic Society
Supports autistic people and their families. You can find lots of information and advice about autism on their website. They also have a network of local branches. These can provide things like parent courses and family support, social meet-ups and support groups for autistic young people.
They have an inpatient care support service, which provides advice to autistic people and the families of autistic people who are in a mental health hospital.
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Contact
Provides support, information and advice for families with children with disabilities or other conditions including ADHD. Also runs family workshops and activities.
Free online chat service available.
- Opening times:
- 9:30am - 5pm, Monday - Friday
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YoungMinds Parents Helpline
We support parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person's mental health. Our Parents Helpline provides detailed advice and information, emotional support and signposting.
You can speak to us over the phone or chat to us online.
You can speak to us over webchat between 9.30am and 4pm from Monday-Friday. When we’re closed, you can still leave us a message in the chat. We’ll reply to you by email in 3-5 working days.
- Opening times:
- 9.30am-4pm, Monday-Friday
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SENDIAS
SENDIAS stands for Special Education Needs and Disability Information, Advice and Support. Every local authority is required to fund a SENDIAS service for their area. But SENDIAS works separately to the local authority and does not work on the local authority’s behalf. This means they can provide free and independent advice about Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND). You can search for your local SENDIAS online or call your local council to ask for their contact details.
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SOS!SEN
SOS!SEN help parents and carers secure the right educational support for children and young people with special educational needs and disabilities. They providing a free helpline, walk-in advice centres, 1:1 appointments and training workshops and webinars.- Opening times:
- Term-time only
This page was reviewed in August 2024.
It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their autistic child or young person.
We will next review the page in 2027.
YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK – the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.
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