Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a type of mental health problem that affects your mood and how you relate to other people. It’s also known as:
If you have BPD, you might find it hard to manage your emotions or how you feel about yourself and others. These feelings are very real, and it’s understandable that they can make it harder to cope day-to-day or to maintain relationships.
But this is part of the condition, not who you are. Your thoughts and feelings often come from things you’ve been through – they’re valid and you deserve support.
Whatever you’re feeling, our guide can help you find ways to understand your emotions and get the help you need.
Emerging borderline personality disorder is when someone starts to show early signs of BPD, but a full diagnosis isn’t given until later.
Diagnosing BPD in children and young people can be tricky, because everyone experiences lots of changes as they grow up. So doctors are often cautious about diagnosing it early. However, if you’ve experienced difficulties for a long time during your teenage years and your symptoms match with BPD, you may be diagnosed with emerging borderline personality disorder.
Some young people don’t like or identify with the term ‘personality disorder’. It can sound like your personality is the problem, but that’s not what it means. It’s just the official medical name used by professionals. Many people prefer terms that focus more on the experiences rather than the label. You can describe it however you choose.
There are lots of different symptoms of BPD that include a wide range of experiences. You don’t need to have all of these symptoms to have BPD – people are affected in different ways, and the intensity of symptoms can change over time. Here are the main types of symptoms:
If you have BPD, you might:
Sometimes BPD can affect the way you think or see things. You might:
These experiences can be frightening or confusing, but they’re symptoms of how BPD affects your mind, rather than a true reflection of who you are.
You might act on impulses before thinking about the consequences, for example:
These behaviours can sometimes be a way of coping with strong emotions or trying to escape painful feelings.
If you live with BPD, you might find that relationships feel intense, overwhelming or cause you anxiety sometimes. You might:
Many people with BPD also experience other mental health difficulties, like:
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. We have support and advice for lots of mental health conditions and difficulties.
It’s not clear what causes borderline personality disorder (BPD). There isn’t one single reason and it’s likely to be caused by a mix of different factors. Here are some possible causes:
If you’ve been diagnosed with BPD, you’re more likely than most people to have had difficult or traumatic experiences growing up. This could include:
Not everyone with BPD has experienced trauma, and not everyone who has experienced trauma will develop BPD. But difficult life events can make emotions harder to manage or increase your risk of developing mental health problems.
Some research suggests that you may be more likely to develop BPD if someone in your close family has also been diagnosed with it. But genes alone don’t cause BPD. The environment you grow up in and your early relationships also play an important role. It’s likely that genetics can make some people more vulnerable, while stressful or traumatic experiences can trigger these difficulties.
The first step if you’re worried about borderline personality disorder (BPD) is to speak to your GP. They can talk to you about your symptoms, how they affect your daily life, and any other mental health difficulties you may be experiencing.
Your GP cannot formally diagnose BPD. Only a psychiatrist (a doctor who specialises in mental health) can do this. But if your GP thinks BPD might be affecting you, they can refer you to specialist services. For adults, this is usually your local community mental health team (CMHT) or a specialist personality disorder service. If you’re under 18, referrals are usually made to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).
Once you’ve been referred, your first appointment with a specialist will usually cover:
There are standard guidelines to help decide if someone has BPD. You may be diagnosed if you experience at least five of the following:
Unfortunately, not every doctor or health professional will always understand BPD, and there are lots of disagreements about how it should be diagnosed and treated. This means you might get diagnosed incorrectly or not get a diagnosis at all. Many young people are first given a diagnosis of anxiety or depression before anyone realises their experiences are linked to BPD.
It can also take time to get a BPD diagnosis. If you’re a child or young person, BPD can be particularly hard to diagnose because emotions and behaviour naturally change as you grow up. So doctors are likely to be cautious when diagnosing you. It can also be tricky if your experiences overlap with other conditions like ADHD, autism, bipolar disorder or trauma.
Because of this, you may need several appointments to understand what’s happening. You might face long waits, confusing assessments, or feel like you’re being passed between services. None of this is your fault, and it’s a common experience.
If you ever feel that your diagnosis doesn’t fit how you feel, talk to a mental health professional. They can review your care and help you get support that works best for you.
If you’re struggling while you wait for a diagnosis, there are places you can get support.
BPD is a complex diagnosis that not everyone understands. That means some people, including health professionals, might have unfair or negative ideas about it. This can make you feel judged or misunderstood, which can be hard to deal with.
Cultural differences can also affect how people respond to BPD. Some cultures may have different ways of understanding emotions, relationships, or mental health, which can influence how your experiences are perceived or the support you’re offered.
Treatment for BPD usually works best when it’s a combination of therapy, support from your care team, and practical help for day-to-day life. Over time, many people notice improvements in their mood, relationships, and coping skills.
Here’s what treatment you might be offered:
Talking therapy is the main treatment for BPD. It helps you understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour, and develop ways to cope with them.
Some types of therapy for BPD include:
Therapeutic communities are structured environments where people with complex mental health needs work together to support each other. You might live in the community full-time, part-time, or attend regularly.
Activities can include:
Therapeutic communities are usually for adults, and it’s rare for under-18s to be offered a place. If you’re under 18, your mental health team will usually look at other types of therapy and support that are more suitable.
Medication isn’t usually recommended for treating BPD, as there aren’t any drugs proven to work specifically for it. However, you might be prescribed medicine to manage another mental health condition or some of your symptoms.
Medicines for this include antidepressants, mood stabilisers, or antipsychotics. In a crisis, short-term medication like sleeping pills or minor tranquillisers may be used, but only for a short period.
A mental health crisis can look different for everyone. It might mean thinking about suicide, wanting to seriously hurt yourself, or doing something that puts you or others at risk. If this happens, you deserve help and support straight away.
If you need urgent help right now, you can:
If you’re already supported by a community mental health team (CMHT), you should have been given a crisis plan that sets out:
If you’re not currently getting help from a mental health team, but you do have a diagnosis, call your GP and ask for an emergency appointment. They can talk you through what’s happening and help you get support.
Sometimes, your doctor might offer a short course of sedative medication to help you feel calmer. This is usually only prescribed for up to a week, and only if there aren’t better options. If you’re under 18, doctors will take extra care about prescribing this medication and will only use it if they feel it’s really necessary.
Living with borderline personality disorder can be really hard. Tolerating intense feelings is something many people with BPD struggle with, and emotions can sometimes feel like a lot to handle. These ideas are here to help you do something safe while the feeling is at its strongest, and to focus on what helps until it starts to pass.
Not every coping idea will work every time, and that’s okay. Lots of young people say it takes a bit of trial and error to find what helps them in the moment. Try different things and notice what feels grounding, calming or comforting.
You don’t have to face these thoughts alone. If you feel like you might act on them, or you don’t feel safe, reach out for help straight away:
There are people out there who can help you get through this.
Lots of young people told us that the TIPP technique can be a really helpful way to ground yourself.
Living with BPD can mean your emotions and reactions change a lot, so it can really help to build small habits and find ways to make things feel more manageable. Here are some ideas that might help you feel more in control over time:
Reaching out can feel scary, especially if you’re not used to talking about how you feel. But sharing what’s going on in your head can really help. Try talking to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, teacher, faith leader or youth worker.
If that feels too hard, you can always contact a helpline. There are lots of services that are there to listen and help.
Writing down your feelings can help you make sense of them. You could use a notebook, a notes app on your phone, or even a wellbeing app. Try jotting down how you feel each day, what’s been happening around you, or anything that triggered strong emotions. Over time, this can help you spot patterns, like what tends to make you feel worse, or what helps when things are tough.
It’s also worth noting small positive moments, like getting out of bed, having a shower, or doing something kind for yourself. These small things are important and seeing them written down can remind you of the progress you’re making.
A self-soothe box is a collection of things that comfort or ground you. You might include photos of people or places that make you feel safe, a soft blanket, a fidget toy, something with a calming scent like lavender, or a playlist that always lifts your mood.
If you prefer something digital, you could make a folder on your phone with videos, songs, quotes or messages that help you calm down or remind you of what matters to you.
When things feel really overwhelming, it can be hard to think clearly or ask for the help you need. That’s why it can be useful to plan ahead for those moments. A crisis plan is a simple way to record what helps you when you’re struggling. It might include signs that things are getting worse, coping strategies that usually help, and who to contact in an emergency.
You could make your plan on paper, on your phone, or with someone you trust. If you share it with your GP, therapist or a close friend, they’ll know how best to support you if things get tough.
Talking to other people who understand what you’re going through can really help. You could join a local peer support group or connect with others online. Try searching for local mental health groups, or look for options through Rethink Mental Illness or Mind.
Looking after your physical health can really help your mood. Try to eat regularly and get enough rest when you can. Getting outside and doing some gentle exercise, like going for a walk or stretching, can also help reduce stress and boost your mood.
It can be easy to feel like a diagnosis defines who you are, but BPD doesn’t have to be your whole identity. Try to focus on the things that make you feel like yourself, like your interests, values, and the people who matter to you. You might find creative activities like writing, drawing or making music help you express how you feel, or that spending time on a cause or hobby gives you a sense of purpose.
Borderline personality disorder can make friendships, family relationships and dating feel intense or confusing at times. It’s common to experience things like fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting people, or feeling like a burden.
If relationships feel difficult at times, here are some tips you can try:
Be honest about how you feel
Set boundaries for yourself and others
Pause before reacting to things
Talk openly about communication styles
Build a supportive network
Remember that relationships take practice.
For more advice on managing different types of relationships, take a look at our guides.
Living with borderline personality disorder can feel exhausting and overwhelming. The emotional ups and downs, feelings of emptiness, fear of being abandoned, and the stress of getting a diagnosis or waiting for one can take a real toll. You might worry that these feelings will never change.
But many people with BPD do experience meaningful improvement over time, especially with therapy and the right support. Research and lived experience show that intense emotions, impulsive behaviour and relationship difficulties can become more manageable, and for some people, much less disruptive.
Remember, recovery is usually gradual with ups and downs along the way. If you have setbacks, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It's all part of learning new ways to cope and understand yourself. Over time, building emotional skills, self-understanding, self-care and safer, more trusting relationships can help life feel more stable.
Having BPD doesn’t define who you are. It describes a set of experiences, not your worth or your future. Many people with BPD go on to build stable, meaningful lives. With time, support and self-compassion, change is possible.
If someone you care about has borderline personality disorder (BPD), you might sometimes find it hard to understand their feelings or behaviour, or to know how to help. But there are lots of positive things you can do to make a difference, both for them and for yourself. Here are some tips to help:
When someone you care about is struggling with intense emotions, it can be tempting to try and fix things right away or tell them not to feel a certain way. Try to listen without judging and wait until things have calmed down before talking things through. Let them know their feelings are valid, even if you don’t fully understand them.
If they're feeling overwhelmed or reacting strongly, being calm and consistent can help them feel safer and more supported. If you start to feel upset or frustrated yourself, it’s okay to take a break and return to the conversation later.
When someone is feeling low or worthless, gentle reminders of what you value about them can make a big difference. Try mentioning their strengths, achievements or the ways they make life better for others.
Boundaries protect both of you. If your loved one worries about rejection or abandonment, calmly explaining what you can and can’t do can help build trust and prevent misunderstandings.
When things feel stable, talk about how you can support them during difficult times. Ask what they find helpful, what doesn’t help, and who to contact if they’re struggling. It can also help to learn what situations, topics or feelings are most difficult for them, so you can prepare or avoid these when possible.
Sometimes a small distraction can help when things feel intense. You could suggest watching a film, going for a walk or doing an activity together. If they don’t want to join in, be patient and give them space to join when they’re ready.
Understanding BPD can make it easier to support someone and challenge stigma. Reading trusted information, like this guide, is a great start. It can help you understand what they might be going through.
If they’re not already getting help, you could encourage them to speak to their GP or contact a helpline. If you think it will help, you can offer to go with them to an appointment or find information together online.
Supporting someone with BPD can be emotionally demanding. It’s important to take care of your own wellbeing too. Try to take breaks, talk to someone you trust, or join a carer support group. Rethink Mental Illness runs lots of local support groups, including a support group for those caring for someone with BPD.
Whatever you're going through, you can contact the Samaritans for support. N.B. This is a listening service and does not offer advice or intervention.
If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.
Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.
Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.
Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.
Offers support to adult survivors of all types of childhood abuse, including physical, sexual, emotional abuse or neglect.
A free app providing support and strategies to help you resist or manage the urge to self-harm.
Can be downloaded from Google Play or App Store.
Provides honest information about drugs and alcohol.
Live chat service also available (2pm - 6pm, 7 days a week).
Find information on accessibility, confidentiality and cost.
This page was reviewed in February 2026.
It was co-created with young people with borderline personality disorder.
We will next review the page in 2029.
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Please be aware that this form isn’t a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.
