Experiencing difficult events is a part of life, and it’s normal to struggle with how you feel afterwards. Most of the time we will move on and feel better fairly quickly. However, when something really distressing happens that leaves us feeling terrified, helpless and unable to cope, it can have a significant, long-term effect on our emotional wellbeing. This is called trauma.
Trauma can be the result of a one-off event, a series of events, or an ongoing situation. You can experience trauma even if you weren’t directly involved in the event - for example, if you witness something bad happen.
There is an idea that for something to be traumatic, it has to be really extreme, like fighting in a war. But this isn’t the case.
Sometimes trauma can be a ‘small’ thing that has left a big impact on how you think, feel or act – even if for another person that thing might seem insignificant. For example, if a teacher called you ‘stupid’, that could be traumatic for you if, as a result, you start to struggle with negative feelings about yourself.
Trauma can also be the result of things that build up over time. For example, a family member constantly criticising you or saying mean things to you can amount to trauma.
Some common examples of trauma also include:
You may experience trauma related to certain parts of your identity. For example, experiencing racism or other forms of discrimination can result in trauma. If you have been affected by discrimination, you may find these pages on our website helpful:
What is traumatic depends on the individual and it is personal. Something that one person finds traumatic may not be traumatic to other people. It’s important to remember that nobody’s trauma is more or less valid than anyone else’s, and nobody has the right to tell you that what you’ve experienced does or does not count as trauma.
There are no rules that determine whether something is traumatic or not, and just because somebody else ‘had it worse’ doesn’t mean that what you went through wasn’t traumatic.
Everybody responds to trauma differently, and the way you feel may change over time.
Immediately after a traumatic event, you might feel:
Sometimes, we may not realise at the time that what we’ve experienced is trauma, especially if we don’t feel much afterwards, or if it is one small event in a series of events – for example with bullying. Sometimes it can take a while before we feel the effects of a traumatic event. This can be confusing, but it is completely normal.
So, if something big or scary happens and you don’t react the way you might expect, it does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It’s important to remember there is no “right” way to experience trauma. However you’re feeling is valid.
Graphic by @brainbodydoc. Text at the top reads, 'your trauma is valid even if:' followed by a list of times when your trauma is valid. These are if, 'there are others who have it "worse," it occurred a long time ago, you feel "just fine" now, it "could have been avoided," only you know about it, someone says "it isn't a big deal."'
When we have experienced a trauma, it can impact our mental health in lots of ways. It can make us feel:
Some types of trauma may change how we feel about ourselves, or how we relate to other people. For example, if we experience abuse, we may start to believe negative things that we are told about ourselves, or find it difficult to trust people, which can make us feel isolated, low or anxious.
Sometimes we may not even realise that there is a connection between a traumatic event and how we’re feeling now. But with help and support, we can start to figure out what is causing us to struggle with our mental health, and find ways for things to get better.
Sometimes experiencing a trauma or series of traumas can lead to us developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). For more information on these conditions, their symptoms and how to get help, have a look at our page on PTSD.
You might also start to notice some physical symptoms, such as:
These can feel really scary, but they are normal responses to trauma. With support, people do recover and things can get better.
If you think you have experienced trauma, even if you’re not sure, the most important thing to do is to let somebody know that you’re struggling with how you’re feeling. Trying to cope on your own can be really difficult, and you don’t need to struggle on alone – you deserve support.
If you feel able to talk about what happened, you may find it helpful to hear someone else’s perspective on it. Speaking to somebody you trust about what you’ve experienced and how you’re feeling can be a really important step in processing what you’ve been through.
However, you may feel that you’re unable to talk about the traumatic event, or that the idea of talking about it is too overwhelming. If that’s the case, it’s really important that you get help from a doctor. They won’t force you to talk about anything you aren’t able to talk about, but they can make sure you get the support you need. If you’re nervous about speaking to your GP, you could ask a friend or family member to come along for moral support. We also have tips and advice on speaking to your GP about your mental health.
We know it can be difficult to reach out for help, so if you’re not sure who to speak to or how to start that conversation, have a look at our page on reaching out for help.
Some people find it really helpful to speak to other people who have been through the same thing as them as it can help them feel less alone. This isn’t for everyone though, and some people may find that hearing about other people’s experiences is upsetting, and sets them back in their recovery. It is a good idea before listening to other people share their traumatic experiences to think about what you can do in case anything you hear triggers difficult feelings or memories for you.
If this is something you think might help you, there are lots of support groups available. See the bottom of this page for a list of specialist organisations that may be able to help with this.
After experiencing a trauma, some people find that everyday tasks like making food, washing and sleeping feel very difficult and require a lot of energy. To help you cope with this, it can be a good idea to find a routine that gives you structure. So, for example, having a set bedtime and eating at the same times every day can give you a sense of stability, which can help things feel less overwhelming.
There are many other ways you can care for yourself, this will look different for everybody. Whatever it is, it’s important to try and build into your routine the care you need. This may include:
You may also find it helpful to practise some grounding techniques when you feel overwhelmed, or create and use a self-soothe box.
The important thing is to be kind to yourself and go at your own pace. You’ve been through a lot, and you deserve the time and space to get better.
Here are some things that help me with flashbacks; cold shower to ground myself, writing it down and ripping up the paper, talking to someone about it, breathing techniques and mindfulness. You got this!
If your friend has experienced a trauma that might be affecting them right now, the most important thing you can do is be there for them. They may want to talk about what has happened, or they may not, but either way letting them know that you are there to support them can be really helpful.
If you feel like your friend needs more support, encourage them to seek professional help. Going to the doctor to speak about your mental health for the first time can feel like a really scary thing to do, so having some encouragement or even someone to come with you can be really helpful. Start by taking a look at our guide on how to speak to your GP.
For more tips and advice, have a look at our guide to supporting a friend with their mental health.
If you're struggling with something traumatic that has happened, you are not alone. Here are some organisations and services that can really help.
If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.
Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.
Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.
Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.
Offers support to anyone affected by crime; not only those who experience it directly, but also their friends, family and any other people involved.
Live webchat service available.
Offers specialist support for children and young people affected by crime through their website You & Co.
Offers support to adult survivors of all types of childhood abuse, including physical, sexual, emotional abuse or neglect.
Whatever you're going through, you can contact the Samaritans for support. N.B. This is a listening service and does not offer advice or intervention.
The Survivors Trust has 120 member organisations based in the UK & Ireland which provide specialist support for women, men and children who have survived rape, sexual violence or childhood sexual abuse. Find support in your area.
Provides information and support services to people bereaved or seriously injured in road crashes.
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