What is sexuality?
Sexuality is all about who you’re attracted to and how you express that attraction. It’s personal, can change over time, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel it.
You might want sex, relationships, both or neither. Maybe you prefer cuddling over sex or you connect more through emotions, shared values, and being your authentic self around someone. You could be attracted to the same gender, different genders, multiple genders – or feel little to no attraction at all. These are all valid experience of sexuality.
Different kinds of attraction can exist together, like finding someone attractive but not wanting to have sex. No experience is more ‘normal’ than another, because sexuality is yours to define – only you get to decide what feels right to you.
Some people know their sexuality early on, but lots of people don’t. It’s normal to feel unsure, change your mind, or not want to label yourself at all. But figuring it out can be tough, especially if you’re under pressure or expectations from others.
What you can do is trust and be kind to yourself. Try accepting this uncertainty – labelling your sexuality can be useful, but there’s no rush and you don’t need to have all the answers. And remember, sexuality isn’t set in stone. It can change throughout your life.
What is sexual orientation?
Sexual orientation is part of your sexuality. It’s the label some people use to describe how they experience attraction. You don’t choose or control who you’re attracted to – it just happens.
There are lots of different labels, but here are some common ones:
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Ace/asexual
Someone who feels little to no sexual attraction but may experience other types of attraction. They might feel romantic attraction or want physical closeness in other ways, like cuddling.
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Aro/aromantic
Someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction. They might feel other types of attraction, like sexual attraction, or want physical closeness in other ways, like cuddling.
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Bisexual/bi
Someone who is attracted to more than one gender.
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Demisexual
Someone who only feels sexual or romantic attraction when they’ve built an emotional connection.
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Gay
A man who is attracted to men, but people of all genders often use it to describe being attracted to the same gender.
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Heterosexual/straight
Someone who is attracted to people of a different gender – most often used to describe attraction between cis men and cis women.
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Lesbian
A woman who is attracted to women.
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Pansexual
Someone who is attracted to people regardless of gender.
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Queer
This covers a range of identities and can mean different things to different people, but it’s usually used by anyone who isn’t straight or cis.
While some people find these labels helpful, others don’t. How you use labels is completely up to you. You might choose one, more than one, or none at all. And if you choose a label but later realise it doesn’t fit, that’s okay too. It’s about what feels comfortable for you right now and you can always change your mind.
If you’re looking for more terms, take a look at Stonewall’s list of LGBTQ+ terms.
The links between sexuality and mental health
Your sexuality and who you’re attracted to isn’t a mental health problem. It doesn’t cause mental health struggles either. In fact, embracing your sexuality can have a positive impact on your mental health, self-esteem, and relationships.
But society often treats being straight as the norm and doesn’t always accept or understand the diversity of sexuality. That’s why, if you’re LGBTQIA+, you’re more likely to struggle with your mental health. This is not because of who you are, but because of the challenges you may come up against and the impact they have on you.
Here are some common challenges that you might face:
If you haven’t told anyone about your sexuality, or don’t have anyone around you who is LGBTQIA+, it can feel lonely and like you don’t fit in . It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one going through it, but there are so many people out there who get it. Finding spaces where you feel seen and supported, online or in real life, can make a huge difference.
Take a look at our advice below on how to find LGBTQIA+ communities.
LGBTQIA+ people deal with a lot of expectations, like how you “should” look, feel, act, or even what hobbies to have. You might hear things like:
- “You don’t look queer” – Expectations to fit a certain mould, like lesbians looking masculine and gay men looking feminine.
- "You don’t act gay” – Expectations to fit certain roles, like gay men are ‘loud’ and ‘sassy’. Or that same-sex relationships still have a ‘man’ and a ‘woman’.
- “You’re not like other LGBTQIA+ people” – Expectations to fit certain personality traits and interests, like being outgoing, fashionable or hypersexual.
- “It’s just a phase” – Expectations that you’ll ‘grow out’ of being LGBTQIA+, especially if you’re bisexual, questioning your sexuality, or telling others for the first time.
Comments like this can come from anyone – including people within the LGBTQIA+ community – and they can feel really invalidating. Sometimes, they come from outdated gender roles – like how men and women ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ behave – media misrepresentation, or a lack of education. Other times, they can come from a place of prejudice or hate.
But real identities aren’t that simple and however you identify is valid. You don’t have to fit a certain aesthetic to validate your sexuality and it’s not something you have to prove.
In some religions, being a member of the LGBTQIA+ community may not always be fully accepted. This can be really challenging and make struggling with your sexuality even more complicated.
You might worry about how people will react, whether you’ll still belong, or if your sexuality fits with your beliefs or values. But your LGBTQIA+ identity and your religious or spiritual identity don’t have to be separate. Many people have found ways to embrace both, even if it takes time. Remember, you deserve love and respect from your community, no matter what.
Organisations that can support you
- Hidayah: Provides support across the UK for LGBTQIA+ Muslims.
- House of Rainbow Fellowship: Support for Black and minoritised LGBTQIA+ Christians.
- Inclusive Mosque Initiative: Offers inclusive and accessible spaces for worship and community that supports LGBTQIA+ Muslims.
- Keshet: Supports Jewish LGBTQIA+ people and their families with inclusion in Jewish life.
- Open Table Network: A network of inclusive Christian churches for LGBTQIA+ people.
- Quest: Information and support for LGBTQIA+ Catholics.
- Sarbat: Offers resources for LGBTQIA+ Sikhs.
Guides and advice that can help
LGBTQIA+ people don’t all have the same experiences. Other parts of your identity, like race, disability, neurodivergence and gender can overlap with your sexuality. This is called ‘intersectionality’ and it can shape how you experience sexuality and mental health.
Your intersectional experiences might mean you go through additional difficulties, like discrimination and being excluded from certain spaces. And if you’re part of multiple marginalised groups, like being a Black Disabled Lesbian woman for example, life might feel especially tough.
This is frustrating and unfair, but there are supportive communities out there who can help.
Organisations that can support you
- African Rainbow Family: A charity that supports people seeking asylum and refugees who are LGBTQIA+ and have African heritage.
- Akt: Supports LGBTQIA+ people aged 16-25 who are homeless or living in a hostile environment.
- Black Beetle Health: Health information for LGBTQIA+ Black people and People of Colour in the UK.
- The Black, African and Asian Therapy Network (BAATN): A directory of accredited therapists and services with expertise in working with African, Caribbean and South Asian experiences.
- Deaf Rainbow UK: Information and resources for Deaf LGBTQIA+ people.
- Traveller Pride: Support and a confidential listening service for LGBTQIA+ Travellers.
Guides and advice that can help
Internalised homophobia is when you feel bad about or uncomfortable with your sexuality because of negative attitudes around you, how you’ve been raised, or societal beliefs. This can really impact your mental health, leading to things like:
- anxiety and depression
- eating problems
- low self-esteem and negative body image
- feeling anger, guilt or shame
These feelings are common and not your fault – they stem from a society that often doesn’t understand or accept diverse identities. We can’t help but take in the messages and ideas we grow up around. Just being aware of internalised homophobia is a great start – it can help to challenge these ideas. If your mental health has been impacted, we have advice that can help.
Aisha's story
Moulded a space is a short film by Aisha about growing up queer in a Muslim household, where mental health wasn’t something you talked about.
Aisha shares her experience of realising she was a lesbian while dealing with anxiety and depression, and how hard it was to feel accepted – either by the Muslim community or the LGBTQ+ community.
Despite the pressure to let go of her faith because of her sexuality, Aisha held on to Islam in her own way.
Telling others about your sexuality or 'coming out'
‘Coming out’ is when you tell others about your sexuality. It’s not always a one-time thing – you might tell different people at different times or even change how you label yourself.
For some, coming out is easy, but for others it’s a tough experience. It’s scary if you’re not sure how people will react. It can be even harder if you come from a background where diverse sexualities aren’t always accepted.
You don’t have to come out if you’re not ready or don’t feel safe. No one should pressure you to share. What matters most is doing what feels right for you.
But if you feel ready, here are some tips that can help:
If someone you trust reacts badly, it can really hurt. But it’s not your fault. The person you tell might be angry, worried or find it difficult to accept. This might last a while, or they might just need some time to process. The important thing is to keep yourself safe and seek support from other people you trust and accept who you are.
If you're not sure who to turn to, you could try calling an LGBTQIA+ helpline.
Bullying, abuse and discrimination
Bullying, abuse or discrimination because of your sexuality is never okay. Not everyone from the LGBTQIA+ community experiences this, but sadly it is common. And it’s not just LGBTQIA+ people who face it – anyone can be targeted if others make assumptions about their sexuality.
Bullies might say things that make you feel uncomfortable, send nasty messages, post mean things about you online, or even physically hurt you. Whatever form it takes, you don’t deserve this, and it can have a big impact on your mental health.
You might find yourself scared to open up, want to hide who you are, or even start believing the negative comments. This can lead to loneliness, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
If you’re being bullied because of your sexuality, here are things that can help:
There are lots of people who want to help. Tell someone what’s happening, like a teacher, friend, youth worker, faith leader, parents, carers or someone in your family that you trust. They can take steps to make the bullying stop.
Find ways to avoid the bullies. This might be going to places where you know you feel safe, staying in a group, or ignoring and blocking them on social media.
Write down what the bullies say or do and when. If it’s happening online, take screenshots and save the messages. This helps you gather evidence and examples that you can share when you tell someone or report it.
Abuse and hate crimes
Abuse is when someone hurts you physically, sexually, emotionally, or financially. A hate crime happens when someone abuses you because of who you are, including harming you because of your sexuality. It can happen online or in person, from strangers or people you know. If someone’s behaviour towards you makes you feel unsafe or at risk, you deserve help.
Galop has more information about anti-LGBTQIA+ hate crimes. We also have advice in our guide to abuse.
Abuse and hate crimes are illegal, so you should always report them. You might worry that you won’t be taken seriously, but there are lots of people who are trained to help without judgement. You have every right to feel safe.
Conversion therapy
Conversion therapy attempts to change or suppress someone’s sexuality. It’s a form of abuse. It can be done by family, friends, faith and community groups, or healthcare professionals. There’s nothing wrong with being LGBTQIA+ – you can’t and don’t need to be ‘cured’ or changed.
- so-called ‘therapy’ sessions that claim to help you change your sexuality
- subtle or overt pressure from family, friends or faith groups to hide or change who you are
- exorcisms or other religious ceremonies or rituals designed or offered to change your sexuality
- controlling how you dress, wear your hair, or present in public
- controlling food and eating
Conversion therapy is not just unethical, it can seriously affect your mental health, leading to anger, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and suicidal feelings. Physical and verbal abuse or threats of abuse to you because of your sexuality are never okay. You have the right to exist without fear of harm or abuse.
If you’ve experienced or been offered conversion therapy, you deserve support. Talk to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, or a supportive adult. You can also call Galop’s anti-abuse helpline for guidance, or report it to the police.
Looking after your mental health
If you’re struggling with your mental health while exploring your sexuality, we’ve got advice on how to get help and things you can do to feel supported, accepted and confident as your true self.
We understand some of these might not be possible if you can’t be safely out as an LGBTQIA+ person. Take a look at the tips below and choose ones that feel comfortable to you – you know yourself best.
Get help from others
Talking to someone who listens and understands can be a big step toward feeling better. Here are some ways to reach out for support:
It’s okay to ask someone for help when you’re struggling. It could be friends, family, a counsellor, a community or faith leader, or someone at school, uni or work
If you don’t feel safe or comfortable talking to someone in your life, you could try calling an LGBTQIA+ helpline.
A therapist or counsellor can help you with a specific mental health problem or talk through whatever you’re going through. Just talking to someone who listens without judgement can be really helpful.
If you’d like to talk to someone who gets what you’re going through, search Pink Therapy’s directory to find a qualified therapist or counsellor for LGBTQIA+ people.
Find peer and community support
Having a supportive community who get it and respect who you are can make a huge difference to your mental health. Here are some ideas to help you connect with more LGBTQIA+ people and allies:
School
If you’re at school or college, ask a teacher if there’s an LGBTQIA+ society or Pride Group – a programme of lunchtime and after school clubs for LGBTQIA+ students and allies to learn and get support. If they don’t, you could ask them to support you in starting one.
University
The student’s union at your university may have an LGBTQIA+ society that hosts events and provides support. You can check your university’s website for more information about support services or contact your student union.
Work
If you’re looking for LGBTQIA+ social groups at work, speak to your manager or colleagues, HR department, or check your company’s website. It might be something that’s already in place, or something you could start. Stonewall have a great resource on setting up an LGBTQIA+ employee network group.
Keep a look out for things like pride events, book clubs, crafts, cooking or gaming groups in your local area. You could search online or ask at your local community centres, leisure centres, libraries or faith groups.
You might find it easier to join an event online, especially if you live in a remote place or have a disability that can make meeting up in-person more difficult. Here are some online social groups and resources that can help you connect with others:
- Pride Sports – find your local LGBTQIA+ sports club.
- Brook – find LGBTQIA+ support near you.
- Consortium – find different LGBTQIA+ services across the UK.
- Proud Trust – find your nearest LGBTQIA+ youth group.
You could volunteer through charities, events, and online resources. This is a great way to meet new people and help make a difference to LGBTQIA+ communities. Charities like Stonewall, The LGBT Foundation, Galop and African Rainbow Family are just a few examples that have volunteering opportunities.
Do something to celebrate being LGBTQIA+
There are so many reasons to be proud of being LGBTQIA+ and celebrate who you are. It can help you feel good about yourself and feel connected to others. It doesn’t have to be big, public celebrations – it can also be little moments of joy that are just for you.
Here are some ideas for how you can celebrate your identity:
Manage your social media
Social media is a great way to find online communities and follow LGBTQIA+ accounts. But seeing negative news and opinions about LGBTQIA+ people can be really upsetting.
Remember, you can mute, block or unfollow accounts that are sharing harmful content. It’s okay to take breaks and look after your mental health too – you don’t have to be informed all the time about LGBTQIA+ issues.
For more advice, take a look at our social media and mental health guide, or get tips on dealing with worries about the news and the world.
Growing up, I was always an outcast. Though I did not know at the time that I was transgender and queer, I did know that I didn’t quite fit in with most other people my age. Now that my wife is my carer, I have had experiences where people have questioned our relationship and failed to understand our dynamic. All of these experiences led me to create “The In-Betweens” a piece of art I hope will show that no matter how different or “in-between” you feel, there are places where you don’t have to just survive but in fact, you can thrive.
Lyd is standing shoulder to shoulder with a group of people. They all have their backs to the camera and their arms around each other.
Read stories by LGBTQIA+ young people
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Celebrating Queer Disabled stories
We know from speaking to Queer young people that their sexuality can have a big impact on mental health and how they experience the world. Navigating Disability can be tricky, and when you're also dealing with discrimination or added pressures because of how you identify, that can make these struggles even more complicated. That's why we're showcasing content by Queer Disabled young people. Their voices, often left out of the wider mental health conversation, are honoured here through themes of resilience, joy, and survival.
Supporting someone with their sexuality
How to be an LGBTQIA+ ally
An ally is someone who might not be LGBTQIA+ but helps and supports people who are. There are lots of ways to do this – even small actions can make a big difference to someone’s mental health.
The most important thing is to show that you accept and respect them as they are. You can do this by going to an LGBTQIA+ event with them or talking about LGBTQIA+ topics together. Your relationship doesn’t have to change because of their sexuality – continuing as normal will mean so much to them.
Here’s how you can support someone in your life who’s LGBTQIA+:
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Recognise your bias
Bias is when you have set ideas or assumptions about people, like expecting someone’s partner to be a certain gender. Everyone has these kinds of set ideas. Being around someone who is LGBTQIA+ might challenge your views on things like relationships. If you notice your ideas invalidate their experience, try to listen and be open-minded. It’s okay to get things wrong if you’re willing to learn and change.
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Listen and show you care
Keep checking in, make plans with them, and give them space to talk about their experiences if they want to. If they’re not ready yet, don’t force it – just letting them know that you accept and are there for them will mean so much.
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Learn more about LGBTQIA+
There are lots of ways to learn about LGBTQIA+ people, experiences and challenges. You could read about current issues in the news, real stories by LGBTQIA+ people, or watch documentaries. You could even ask the person you’re supporting for recommendations of things they’ve read or watched – this will really show you care and have their back.
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Challenge discrimination and stigma
If you hear someone making a homophobic comment or joke, call them out. You can calmly correct them and explain why what they said is wrong or harmful. You can also support by reporting discrimination and hate crimes. This helps create safer spaces for LGBTQIA+ people.
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Respect their privacy
If someone comes out to you, that doesn’t mean they’re ready to tell everybody just yet. They should always be in control of telling others. Don’t share with anyone else unless the person has asked you to or said you can.
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Help them get support
If they’re really struggling, remind them that it’s okay to ask for support. You could recommend organisations and helplines, or go with them to an appointment. Looking after someone else can be stressful, so remember to look after your mental health too. Take a look at our guide to supporting a friend with their mental health for more advice.
Get help now
See below for a list of organisations and helpline services that have information to support you.
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MindOut
A mental health service run by and for lesbians, gay, bisexual, trans and queer people with experience of mental health issues.
Instant web chat service also available (hours vary).
Runs in-person peer support groups in Brighton.
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Galop
A dedicated LGBT+ anti-violence charity.
Gives advice and support to people who have experienced biphobia, homophobia, transphobia, sexual violence or domestic abuse.
- Opening times:
- 10am - 5pm, Monday - Friday (Open until 8pm on Wednesdays and Thursdays)
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Albert Kennedy Trust
Supports LGBTQ+ young people aged 16-25 in the UK who are facing or experiencing homelessness, or living in a hostile environment.
You can refer yourself online to arrange a face-to-face appointment with a member of staff in their Bristol, London, Manchester or Newcastle centres.
They also offer a free webchat service.
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Pink Therapy
Provides an online directory of therapists who work with gender and sexual diversity clients across the LGBTQ+ spectrum from a non-judgmental standpoint.
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Switchboard
Offers confidential support and advice to members of the LGBT+ community.
Free webchat service also available.
- Opening times:
- 10am - 10pm, 365 days a year
More information and advice
This page was reviewed in March 2025.
It was co-created with young people with lived experience of sexuality and mental health.
We will next review the page in 2028.
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Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.
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